Cable TV taught me never to become a counselor at Camp Crystal Lake

I'm not sure of the exact year, but at some point in the early 80s, I got a cable-equipped TV in my room.

This was like the hitting the jackpot. It included the full package of premium channels like HBO, Showtime and Cinemax.

These channels were great for watching movies that had been in theaters only weeks earlier. It was a big deal when the first of the month rolled around and HBO introduced its new lineup of movies, including the blockbusters that were otherwise only available at, well, Blockbuster.

It was on HBO that I saw the first four (I think) "Friday the 13th" movies.

I remember sitting in my room one very late Friday night watching the first "Friday the 13th." My parents were asleep, the house was quiet, and I was scared stiff.

I wanted to turn it off when Mrs. Voorhees got her head chopped off, but I couldn't look away.

You have to understand, back then we hardly ever saw anything like that in movies or video games. It was terrifying.

With today being Friday the 13th, I think back on how cheesy those movies really were, and how they probably weren't particularly scary compared to some of the things you see today. But believe me, back in the Reagan Administration, Jason and his hockey mask were the height of the horror genre. They made you think twice about ever working at a summer camp.

And you sure as heck knew not to run to the basement when you heard a strange sound down there. That was just common sense.

It's Friday the 13th! Which means absolutely nothing

So I wrote the following short post about Friday the 13th and horoscopes, and then I went back and read it and thought it sounded patronizing and borderline rude.

Which really makes me the prototypical weenie perfectly suited to the politically correct 21st century, doesn't it? In our painstaking efforts not to offend anyone, we ultimately end up saying nothing. So I'll just let the post stand as is. But I'm wondering at what point I'll reach that "I don't care if this offends you" level of communication as I age. Because I'm really looking forward to that.

Then there's there: I dismiss those who believe in what I see as meaningless pagan superstitions and astrological psychobabble, yet every Sunday morning I go to church to worship an unseen God and remember a guy who said some profound things and was nailed to a tree for it 2,000 years ago. You could argue that I'm simply trading one superstition for another. I think you're wrong, but logically speaking, you could most certainly argue that.

I'll stop babbling. I just thought this one deserved a little context. Here's what I wrote:

____________________________________________________


I know you're a person with common sense, because you read this blog.

So I know the fact that today is Friday the 13th is meaningless to you. The date and day of the week have absolutely no effect on our individual fortunes, right? You know this, right?

Please tell me you do. And please tell me you don't read your horoscope and take it seriously. Please, please, please. I'll feel so much better about the world if I know you're not planning your life around someone's airy predictions based on your date of birth and the relative position of the sun or moon or stars or Pluto or whatever.

I just...I'd like to think we as a species have made some progress since the 15th century, and we know that stuff like this holds no water in terms of actually forecasting future events or understanding what each day holds in store for us.

Because if you do get nervous on Friday the 13th, I want to hug you in the most non-condescending way possible and say, "I have confidence in you. Really, I do. I know you know that none of this is real. Deep down, you know that to be true, right? Right? You're a bright and talented person. We need your help building a better society here in the fact-based world, so please come and join us."

I'll tell you what: If you do put stock in Friday the 13th and horoscopes and the possibility of the Cleveland Browns ever winning the Super Bowl, all I ask is that you just don't tell me, OK? Let's just pretend together that you don't think that way. I would greatly appreciate it.