Twelve years later, I still haven't learned to live in the here and now

I made one New Year's resolution for the year 2012 and failed miserably at it.

I have, in fact, failed at it every year since.

My resolution then was to be more present-focused, more mindful of the current moment. It's supposed to relax you and promote better long-term mental and physical health.

But I'm simply no good at it. I'm always looking ahead, and to date I've found no effective way of changing that.

Commiserate with me, then, as you read what I posted on this blog exactly 12 years and 1 month ago today. I was so optimistic, so naive.

And so wrong.

December 31, 2011
"Learning to live in the here and now" 

As I type this, I'm sitting in Starbucks with a mocha light Frappuccino and a piece of coffee cake, and all is right with the world.

It has taken me the better part of four decades to learn that. Dozens of times a day, I get to do things that make me happy, and for most of my life I've been utterly incapable of appreciating them. It has always been about accomplishing The Next Big Thing, whatever that may be...a new job, another child, running a marathon, whatever. I always find myself on the way to doing something, rather than enjoying what I'm doing at the time.

Does anyone else have trouble with the whole Living in the Moment thing? I do, but I'm happy to say that if nothing else, the year 2011 has made me (a) recognize what I was missing, and (b) start to learn how to enjoy the present.

Terry always says I don't know how to relax, and honestly, she's right. I'm always moving, always planning, always restless. What's wrong with just sitting? Why can't I do nothing at all and not feel guilty about it? Well, I'll tell you what, that's going to change. The only goal I'm setting for 2012 is that by this time next year, I'm going to be a pro at doing nothing. I'll be the king of inactivity.

That's not to say that productivity is bad. We all lead busy lives and stuff has to get done. Nothing wrong there. But being in Accomplishment Mode 100% of the time is bad for you in so many ways, as I've learned over the last several months (funny what an E.R. visit for chest pains will do for you). Slowing down is not the same as slacking.

Of course, having the option to relax is a byproduct of living in a crazily affluent society like ours. If you're constantly worrying where your next meal is coming from, sitting under a tree reading poetry isn't as much of a viable choice. So simply living where we do is a reason to be thankful, and I am.

I suppose these are the kinds of things we think about on the cusp of a new year. It's a good time for reassessment, reflection and planning. We set New Year's resolutions, and if you're as tightly wound as I am, they're usually laughably unrealistic and you're forced to give up on them by mid-January.

I've finally come to the realization that one modest resolution fulfilled is a thousand times more valuable than 10 crazy resolutions left to die.

How come nobody told me that 20 years ago? Well, my mom actually did and still does. I always thought I was one of those people who was good at listening to what their mother tells them, but I suppose not. Her constant admonitions for me to slow down and relax have, for the most part, gone unheeded.

But not this year. Not this time around. For my family's sake, and for my own sake, I guess, it's time to learn how to dial it down a notch or 10. What worries me, though, is that even as I write those words, I'm thinking to myself, "I've spent too long on this post. Gotta finish up and get some other stuff done."

Apparently this isn't going to be easy...

(EDITOR'S NOTE: It wasn't.)

You achieved your personal goal? Good. Here's what the rest of your life looks like...

You know how people are jaded about New Year's resolutions and they're almost always represented as promises to yourself you'll never actually keep?

I realize this really is the nature of New Year's resolutions most of the time.

But occasionally, people do achieve what they set out to do. Sometimes, that resolution made on Jan. 1st is reality by July 1st.

The question at that point is, now what?

I'm proud to say I'm living proof that a goal set during the holidays is actually attainable. And, I hope, sustainable.

As many know, I've lost more than 40 pounds since the beginning of December 2012. I've done it through Weight Watchers, a system I always say may not be for everyone (what system is for everyone?), but it's as darned close to universally successful as I've seen.

I started my weight loss journey on Dec. 1st, which I guess technically means it wasn't a "New Year's" resolution. But close enough for purposes of this discussion.

Since I hit my goal weight in late March, I've been tinkering with the number of points (read: calories) I should consume each day to maintain a healthy weight. I actually dropped as low as 13 pounds under my goal, but have since put some of the weight back on (intentionally) and now sit very comfortably in the 175- to 180-pound range.

As a bit of a tangent, I should note here that that still puts me, medically speaking, just into the "overweight" range in terms of body-mass index. As a not-quite-5-foot-10-inch male, I shouldn't be any more than 174 pounds, according to the actuarial charts. But even my doctor thinks the weight I should maintain is 185, so I think we can safely ignore the charts in some cases.

Anyway, now that I've settled pretty well at a weight I can maintain without too much in the way of strenuous effort, the question again is, now what?

How do you motivate yourself once you've hit the promised land and have moved on with the rest of your life?

Because let's face it: You can't obsess about your weight or whatever your personal goal may be indefinitely. You have too many other things going on that demand your time and attention.

So how do you maintain what you worked so hard to achieve?

In the case of the weight loss, and with Weight Watchers specifically, there comes a time when the "hey, you look great!" comments sort of fade away. Because the New You is really no longer the New You, but rather the "Actual You." People's expectations of your appearance adjust to accommodate that new body. And if they comment on your weight again, it's more likely it will be along the lines of, "Hey, have you put some of that weight back on?"

So living off of the praise and congratulations that come with noticeable weight loss isn't an option. Instead you have to learn to continually reward and motivate yourself.

Maintaining that healthy weight is still work, even if you're not focusing on it seven days a week. Hard work deserves recognition and praise. And since no one else is likely to do it anymore, you need to supply that recognition and praise yourself.

It's the same with any goal, really. Once you achieve it, and you work hard to maintain it, you still need to pat yourself on the back from time to time. Reward yourself in whatever way works for you, whether it's an extra (reasonably sized!) slice of cake or a new pair or pants or whatever floats your boat.

And don't forget to look continually at the big picture. Even if others aren't as impressed as they once were with what you've accomplished, you shouldn't feel bad about looking at yourself that way. You're awesome, so tell yourself that. What you achieved was significant, and you should treat it as significant.

If you quit smoking, don't forget how you used to feel (and smell). And take a moment to reflect on how you feel now. Quite a difference, isn't it? Celebrate that. Continually.

A lot of people who quit smoking eventually relapse. And even more people who lose weight put it back on (I've been one). Every day you maintain that healthier version of you is a victory. Don't forget that.

Also, keep something around that reminds you of what motivated you to change in the first place. It could be a picture of your messy office before you became organized. Or an old shirt that's now five sizes too large you never want to fit into again. Or something that reminds you of the way you used to handle tough situations before you learned how to deal with stress.

Whatever it is, the idea is to remember how far you've come since you decided to change for the better. Because the farther we come, the less likely we are to allow ourselves to go back.

Or at least that's what I hope. I honestly don't want to see "XL" on the tag of any article of clothing I wear ever again...

Learning to live in the now...now

As I type this, I'm sitting in Starbucks with a mocha light frappuchino and a piece of coffee cake, and all is right with the world.

It has taken me the better part of four decades to learn that. Dozens of times a day, I get to do things that make me happy, and for most of my life I've been utterly incapable of appreciating them. It has always been about accomplishing The Next Big Thing, whatever that may be...a new job, another child, running a marathon, whatever. I always find myself on the way to doing something, rather than enjoying what I'm doing at the time.

Does anyone else have trouble with the whole Living in the Moment thing? I do, but I'm happy to say that if nothing else, the year 2011 has made me (a) recognize what I was missing, and (b) start to learn how to enjoy the present.

Terry always says I don't know how to relax, and honestly, she's right. I'm always moving, always planning, always restless. What's wrong with just sitting? Why can't I do nothing at all and not feel guilty about it? Well, I'll tell you what, that's going to change. The only goal I'm setting for 2012 is that by this time next year, I'm going to be a pro at doing nothing. I'll be the king of inactivity.

That's not to say that productivity is bad. We all lead busy lives, and stuff has to get done. Nothing wrong there. But being in Accomplishment Mode 100% of the time is bad for you in so many ways, as I've learned over the last several months (funny what an E.R. visit for chest pains will do for you). Slowing down is not the same as slacking.

Of course, having the option to relax is a byproduct of living in a crazily affluent society like ours. If you're constantly worrying where your next meal is coming from, sitting under a tree reading poetry isn't as much of a viable choice. So simply living where we do is a reason to be thankful, and I am.

I suppose these are the kinds of things we think about on the cusp of a new year. It's a good time for reassessment, reflection and planning. We set New Year's resolutions, and if you're as tightly wound as I am, they're usually laughably unrealistic and you're forced to give up on them by mid-January. I've finally come to the realization that one modest resolution fulfilled is a thousand times more valuable than 10 crazy resolutions left to die.

How come nobody told me that 20 years ago? Well, actually, my mom did, and still does. I always thought I was one of those people who was good at listening to what their mother tells them, but I suppose not. My mom's constant admonitions to slow down and relax have, for the most part, gone unheeded.

But not this year. Not this time around. For my family's sake, and for my own sake, I guess, it's time to learn how to dial it down a notch or ten. What worries me, though, is that even as I write those words, I'm thinking to myself, "I've spent too long on this post. Gotta finish up and get some other stuff done."

Apparently this isn't going to be easy...