What we did right with each of our kids - Part IV - Melanie

(NOTE: Parents are forever lamenting the things they wish they had done differently with their children. "I should have been more strict about this" or "I wish I had let her participate in that." That type of stuff. I see nothing productive there, so instead I choose to celebrate the things that Terry and I appear to have done well with our children. Plus, it's a good way to fill five days of blog posts. So there's that.)

My daughter Melanie is 16 years old and right on the verge of getting her driver's license. This does not scare me at all, in part because I've been through this before with three other kids, and in part because it's just so convenient having a child who can drive herself places.

But part of me will always think of Melanie as the four-year-old version of herself. She had this great little haircut that just screamed "CUTE!" And in fact everything she did and everything she said screamed "CUTE!" I love the current Melanie, but as parents do, I will always keep a piece of Little Tiny Melanie in my heart.

There is, incidentally, some variation in her name within our household. She is officially "Melanie," but I usually call her "Mel." And when she was a baby, Terry and I took to calling her "Melanie Moo," which somehow eventually morphed into "Schmoo." I don't know why.

Anyway, sticking with our theme this week, I'm here to tell you five things we did right with this particular child, so here they are:

(1) We let her be the baby of the family for a while. I used to think this was kind of a bad thing. Mel was the baby for so long before Jack showed up that she was treated like the baby for a long time after she had grown out of that role. Her siblings did a lot of things for her and we didn't push her especially hard. But now that I see her maturing into such a bright, goal-driven young woman, I realize we didn't do her any permanent harm. Let little kids be little kids for a while, I guess is the moral here.

(2) We're not forcing her to be in band just because everyone else in the family is/was in band. At this point it's iffy whether Mel, who quit band after her freshman year, will return to it next year as a junior. There's a part of me that wants her to, since I was a bando, my wife was a bando, and so were Elissa, Chloe and Jared. And Jack currently plays the trumpet. But if it's not something she particularly enjoys (and I don't think it is), why force it? She can make her own decision here, as far as I'm concerned.

(3) We let her go to concerts from a fairly young age. For whatever reason, I didn't go to my first rock/pop concert until I was 18 years old (February 1988, Sting, Cleveland Public Hall...what a show). Mel has been going to concerts since her very early teens. Live music is a fun and exciting experience, and going with just her friends teaches her to navigate large venues and downtown streets. Not bad things to know.

(4) We let her have a boyfriend. All three of my girls have what you might call long-term boyfriends, and I like all three of them. They're good guys, which I think is because my girls have good heads on their shoulders and can make wise decisions when it comes to dating. I've never understood the "you're not dating until your xx years old" rule some moms and dads impose, but then again, I don't claim to be the perfect parent. I just think my girls are learning the basics of healthy relationships by being allowed to engage in their own while still young adults.

(5) We forced her to share a room with her sister Chloe. This isn't really a hardship, since Chloe lives at the University of Akron most of the time. But you know, it's not going to kill you to learn to compromise and share a living space with someone else from time to time. Now if we can just teach Mel not to leave moldy food, unwashed clothes and various papers all over her floor, we would be getting somewhere...

What we did right with each of our kids - Part II - Chloe

(NOTE: Parents are forever lamenting the things they wish they had done differently with their children. "I should have been more strict about this" or "I wish I had let her participate in that." That type of stuff. I see nothing productive there, so instead I choose to celebrate the things that Terry and I appear to have done well with our children. Plus, it's a good way to fill five days of blog posts. So there's that.)

My 20-year-old daughter Chloe wants to be a doctor. A pediatrician, to be specific, and of course she's doing it by first getting a degree in biomedical engineering. This makes some sense, I suppose, but it's just like Chloe to go at the whole thing just a bit differently from most people.

For Chloe herself is a bit different from most people. Always has been. It is one of the many things to love about her.

Allowing her individuality to flourish is probably one thing we did right for her. Here are five others:

(1) We allowed her to be an interesting person. As Chloe was going out the door to head for work just now, I told her I was going to write a post about her, and I gave her the topic. She suggested that letting her be an interesting person should be on this list. Actually, she just said, "I'm an interesting person." And I said, "Does that mean we actually helped you become interesting? Or did we just stand by and let it happen?" And all she said as she ran out to her car was, "Good point." I'm not even sure what the point is. But I guess you could say we never quashed any of her eccentricities. Chloe is Chloe. If you love her like we do, great. If you don't, she doesn't have much use for you.

(2) I introduced her to soccer when she was 6 years old. Technically, she introduced me to soccer. I had been coaching my kids in t-ball and baseball for a couple of years when Chloe the kindergartner informed me she wanted to play soccer. So I went to City Hall to sign her up, and through a chain of events that still confuses me to this day, I ended up as her coach, as well (another story for another time). Chloe played nonstop all the way through her senior year of high school, capping her career by being named Most Valuable Player on her team that season. Soccer proved to be an outlet for her both physically and mentally, as she learned what it means to truly work for something and strive to improve every day.

(3) I let her choose the baritone horn on "Meet the Instrument Night" when she was in 4th grade. Chloe's choice to be a low brass player serves her well even to this day, as she has played the sousaphone in the University of Akron marching band the last two years. Terry, however, started accompanying us to these Meet the Instrument Nights after that because she was afraid I was going to steer all of our kids toward weird musical choices.

(4) We got out of her way. I said in a blog post on Chloe's birthday a year or two ago that the best thing when you're dealing with extremely bright and talented kids is to just let them go. That doesn't mean you should disengage from their lives completely, but understand that you aren't (and shouldn't be) driving the train. You're just the conductor, man, and you'd better hang on for the ride.

(5) We taught her to play cribbage. Have you ever played cribbage? That's a fun game. Sailors on submarines have played it for years. It's a good mix of strategy, skill and a little luck (much like life itself). Teach your kids to play cribbage. And if you don't know how, I will take you to Starbucks and have you playing like a champ in less than 15 minutes while we sip overpriced coffee (on me).