When you see a number on the bathroom scale you don't like...

One evening a month or so ago, I decided to weigh myself.

This isn't an especially remarkable occurrence except for two things:

1. It would be the first time I had weighed myself in 2025. I hadn't done it at all this calendar year.
2. When I did get on the scale, the number that came back was one I had never seen before.

220 pounds.

Yikes.

Now, to be fair, it was late in the day after I had eaten, which isn't the ideal time to weigh yourself. And the weight I've gained over the last year or so is partially fat and partially muscle from strength training.

There's also the fact that no one would have looked at me and guessed I weighed a lifetime high of 220 pounds.

My face was fuller than it normally might be, and for the first time I ever remember, I had a bit of a belly. But I do carry weight well, and at most you probably would have said I weighed 195 or maybe 200.

No, 220 it was. I was a little stunned.

I knew I hadn't been eating well. And I knew, for the sake of my health, I needed to get back on track when it came to my diet. But I didn't anticipate that particular number on the scale.

Five days later, I found myself sitting in a Weight Watchers workshop for the first time in more than two years.

Weight Watchers has always been the most effective method of weight loss for me. Their point system works well for someone who is goal-oriented and likes clear direction.

I am what's known as a lifetime member of Weight Watchers in that I hit my physician-assigned goal of 185 pounds back in 2013 and maintained it for a period of six weeks.

Once you do that, you no longer have to pay Weight Watchers a fee. You just need to weigh in once a month within 2 pounds of that goal weight and everything remains free.

I did that for a while, and then I thought I could do it on my own without Weight Watchers.

But I couldn't, and of course I gained weight, so I went back to WW in 2016 and lost even more weight than before (getting down to a gaunt 166 pounds at one point...that wasn't good).

I experienced more ups and downs with my weight over the next several years, and now here we are.

I have been following the WW program, and of course I'm losing weight. I always lose weight when I do this.

My goal is to get back to that 185 number, which may be more difficult than it used to be given my age and the muscle I've gained. The latter is a good problem to have, but the fact is that muscle is heavy relative to fat, so getting the number on the scale to drop can be tricky when you're lifting.

The real question, of course, is whether I can maintain it over the long haul. That's the challenge, and it's going to require a change in thinking.

I can't obsess over the number on the scale every week. It has to be about developing daily habits that get to me to my goal.

My high school track coach, the great Al Benz, always taught us to concern ourselves more with the means than the ends. That is, worry about your form, technique and training, and the end result (times/distances) will take care of itself.

I was never very good at that. Before meets, I always worried over whether I would break 20 feet in the long jump or get into the low 11s in the 100-meter dash. I should instead have been thinking about the steps in my long jump approach or perfecting my start in the 100 meters.

In the same way, my focus now should be on a balanced, healthy daily food intake and getting plenty of water, rather than the exact amount of weight I'll have lost by the time my Monday morning weigh-in rolls around.

If I do the first part, long-term success (with some inevitable small bumps in the road) is guaranteed.

So this is as much a mind exercise as it is about meal planning and label reading. It's about long-term health and a more satisfying pattern of eating.

It's about finding ways to feel good that don't involve late-night carbohydrate loading.

So far, so good. I'm making progress, and it doesn't need to be fast.

Maybe this time I'll figure out how to keep on doing the things I've always known I should have been doing in the first place.

The roller coaster ride that is your weight

A couple of years ago I lost 43 pounds on Weight Watchers. I was pretty happy about that.

Then, beginning around Christmas 2013, I started gaining it back. A pound here, a pound there. At first I was fine with it because I had gotten a little too gaunt, or at least that's what many people said.

But then I went past the upper limit of where I wanted to be. Then I went way past where I wanted to be.

And now I've regained more than half of what I lost, which is more frustrating than I can tell you.

I come from a family of solidly built Welsh-German people. We have big thigh and calf muscles, which is good if you're a runner/walker like me, but we also have have a tendency to be "stocky," to put it politely.

In December 2012 I weighed something like 215 pounds. Six months later I got as low as 172. I wanted to stabilize at 185.

But as I type this, I'm almost 200 pounds with clothes on.

Weight Watchers is a great program and I think it works wonders. But like any healthy eating plan, it comes with the little caveat that you actually have to keep doing it if you don't want the weight to come back.

I tend to eat healthy. I just eat too much.

So now I'm slowly trying to lose the weight again. I've already dropped a few pounds, and I'm hoping by the end of the year to be back at a comfortable, healthy number.

In the meantime, I have a whole closet full of men's medium-sized clothing that's too tight on me. Stuff I bought after my The Big Weight Loss of 2013 when I figured I would be the same size forever. I hope to fit back into most of it before the calendar turns to 2016.

Losing weight is actually relatively easy, especially for guys. Maintaining weight loss is a whole different ball game, and for me it requires a full mental, spiritual and physical commitment. I lost my focus over the last year-plus, and now I'm trying to get it back.

That's life, I guess. Sometimes you're good, sometimes you're bad. Some people say it's important to maintain that healthy number on the scale, others say you shouldn't obsess over it.

All I know is that when the number is low, I feel better all around. Nowadays I feel like my clothes are tight and I'm more tired than normal. All because I can't stop going to the refrigerator.

Or at least I couldn't do that for several months. Now I'm back under control...I think.

So it's back down the roller coast hill I go. Only this time, I plan on getting off once I get to the bottom.

There's less and less of me all the time

I am no longer old, fat and ugly. I'm just old and ugly now, which is a relief.

Over the past few months, I've gotten rid of the "fat" part using Weight Watchers. I've dropped 27 or 28 pounds so far (not sure exactly how much...I weigh in tomorrow morning). And while I don't claim to be an underwear model or anything now, I'm at least back down into a healthy weight range, and I intend to stay there.

I'm a big fan of Weight Watchers, though I never say it's the right weight-loss method for everyone. Most people, yes, just not everyone. You have to be willing to figure out point values for foods and to track everything you eat every day. This sounds daunting at first, but for me it quickly becomes second nature.

The thing a lot of people don't get about Weight Watchers is that there are no "restricted" foods. None. You can eat whatever you want. It's just that, as you might expect, calorie-laden foods have higher point values, and you only get so many points in a day/week. So while that 3-pound slice of cake looks delicious, I would only recommend it if you don't plan on eating again until, say, the middle of next summer.

Because that's the thing: No matter how you go about losing weight, ultimately you're going to have to change how you eat. Whether you're counting points or avoiding carbs or following the Mongolian Yak Shepherd Diet, weight loss has always been, and always will be, a matter of calories in vs. calories out. Burn more than you take in and you lose weight. Go the opposite direction and start shopping for pants with exponentially larger waist sizes.

Speaking of which, I'm experiencing one of those problems-you-like-to-have in that half of the clothes I own are, geometrically speaking, now too big for me. Some are only slightly too big, while others are comically large. The last time I lost this much weight, I came into work wearing a black suit that my kind co-worker Jennifer said "makes you look like you're playing dress-up with your daddy's clothes."

And yes, there was a "last time" for me. I started doing Weight Watchers with Terry in 2008 and lost more than 30 pounds in three months. Then I got cocky and thought, "Well, I don't need Weight Watchers to keep the weight off. I can do it myself." And yes, I said it in the exact moronic tone you might expect.

You probably know what comes next: I not only gained the 30 pounds back, I added a few more for good measure! Because I'm just that kind of a thorough guy!

So this time I went back with the intention of not only taking the weight  back off − something at which I'm actually quite good − but learning mentally and physically how to keep it off forever.

I hate to make this comparison because I don't in any way mean to belittle Alcoholics Anonymous, but I liken weight loss to AA: You're never actually "recovered." That is, I need to stay on Weight Watchers or some sustainable form of it for the rest of my life if I hope to remain relatively lean and healthy. I'm too weak and lazy to just "eyeball" foods and limit portion sizes. Given free rein at the buffet table, I would eat everything there...and the table itself.

So once I hit my goal of 185 pounds in another month or two, I plan to keep on attending Weight Watchers meetings and following the program. Forever. I've given a lot of thought as to how that will work, and it's no trivial thing given that I might live another 40 or 50 years. I really think I will not only do this, but do it with no problem. As I've transformed my body over these last few months, I've been striving to do the same with my mind, and I believe I've made real progress there.

By the way, most people think I'm kidding when I say I weigh 190 pounds right now. That's in clothes and shoes, but still, at first glance I don't look to be 190 pounds. That is the blessing and the curse of my family: We wear weight well. I've ALWAYS been heavier than people assumed, which is handy when you're playing that guess-your-weight carnival game but of little use otherwise.

My primary care doc, the wonderful and inspiring Michelle Spech-Holderbaum, says 185 would be a "fantastic" weight for me and that anything under that is getting toward "you look gaunt and old" territory...though as we've established, there's probably no escaping "old" and "ugly" for me. I'm just looking for "relatively non-fat." That would be more than sufficient, thank you.