I've been informed that I need to stop biting so deeply into my apples that I strew seeds around the house

I love apples. Gala apples. I've mentioned this fact before.

I love them so much that I often eat right into (and sometimes through) the core.

This is potentially hazardous for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it exposes the seeds and allows them to fall out of the apple and onto our floor.

You can tell I've recently been in any given part of the house simply by counting the number of apple seeds on the floor.

I don't leave them there intentionally, but sometimes (many times) they escape my notice.

They do not, however, escape Terry's notice.

She has told me that (a) I can leave a little apple on the core and throw it away when I'm finished, rather than biting into the very middle, and (b) In any case, I need to stop leaving seeds all over the place.

The latter instruction is perfectly reasonable. I'm trying my best to comply.

But leaving even a few molecules of sweet, tasty, Gala apple goodness on the core and tossing it away? That's blasphemy. I will do no such thing.

Marriage is about compromise. But I will not compromise my adoration for the greatest fruit God put on earth for our collective enjoyment.

At some point you have to draw the line.

Marrying young...however you define "young" nowadays

On this day 70 years ago (April 18, 1951), my parents got married.

Mom had just turned 19 a week earlier, while Dad was all of 21. At the time, it was not unusual to be married at those ages.

Fast forward 41 years to June 6, 1992. That was the day Terry and I were married. She was 23 and I was 22. I had just graduated from college a few weeks earlier. That's us in the photo above.

Again, while we were probably younger than most people becoming husband and wife back then, it's not like we were inordinately young for the early 90s.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average age for a first marriage in 2020 was 28.1 for women and 30.5 for men. What's more, fewer than 30% of Americans ages 18-34 are now married, vs. nearly 60% as recently as 1978.

Clearly, young people in this country are not in a rush to put a ring on it. At least not any time soon.

I'm not saying this is good or bad. It just is.

By the time Terry and I tied the knot, we had been together for more than six years. I had decided long before that she was The One, and she had clearly decided that, for all of the warning signs of what lay ahead for her, she was willing to tie her fortunes to me.

It's not like we met when we were 20 and got married a year or two later, which was common in our parents' generation. We knew each other really well and were great friends in addition to being a couple.

As we approach our 29th anniversary, I would say it worked out pretty well for us. I know others our age with similar stories.

All of which is to say that whatever the demographic trends are, being "too young" to marry is a pretty subjective thing. I got engaged when I was 18 and had people tell me that was nuts and that we should wait a bit. I knew they were wrong.

Others are clearly not ready to enter into a long-term commitment when they actually do, and more often than not, those unions end in divorce.

Maybe it's good that people are waiting until they're more financially and emotionally stable before taking the plunge nowadays. All I know is, I was basically a kid when I got married and it's still the best decision of my life.

Your results may vary.

I got married sort of young...would I advise my own kids to do the same?

I got married 20 days after graduating from college.

I was 22 years old at the time, and Terry and I had been engaged for nearly four years. We had been a couple for more than six years, having gotten together when we were both 16.

That's how it worked out for me. I married my high school sweetheart. Doesn't happen all that often these days, but it did for me. And 23 years later, we're still going strong, thanks be to God.

So given that experience, should one of my kids come to me today and say they want to get married, would I be OK with it?

Ugh, I don't know. Just because it worked out for me doesn't mean it's something that everyone should do. And nowadays, it's not something most people even want to do. Last year, the average age for Americans getting married was 27 for women and 29 for men, an all-time high (and I'm surprised the averages were that low).

On the other hand, just because you're young doesn't mean it's impossible for you to meet the person you're destined to be with the rest of your life. It does happen. It's not out of the question. It's not even uncommon. It's just that it's unlikely the person you're dating at 18 is the person you'll still be with at 68.

My oldest daughter, Elissa, who is 21, has been with her boyfriend Mark for a year or two now (I honestly don't know exactly how long it has been...I have trouble keeping track of my car keys, let alone the lengths of my children's relationships). I like Mark a lot. He's a good guy, and he treats my baby well. Can't ask for much more than that.

If it should come to pass in another year or so, after they're both out of college and presumably have stable jobs, that they should inform of us of their intent to marry, I would probably be fine with the concept. I would make sure they fully understand what they're getting into and how people change inevitably over time, but ultimately I would probably give my blessing or whatever.

Because that's the thing, people do change, right? No one is the same person at 40 they were at 20. Your essential characteristics may still pretty much be the same, but the way you see the world and the way you react to it will inevitably shift over time.

The question in a marriage is whether the two parties will change in roughly the same direction. You might get along great and agree on almost everything when you're fresh out of school. But will that still be the case when you're getting ready to collect Social Security? It's a hard thing to predict, but it's still something important to think about before you tie the knot.

Now if 9-year-old Jack told me he was going to get married, well...I'd tell him at least to wait until he's 22. That's what smart people like his mom and dad do.

Here's what I've learned about marriage

Next week, my wife and I will have been married 21 years.

You would think that, somewhere along the way, I may have picked up a useful tip or two.

I'm not sure I have. But it seems like a good topic for a blog post, so I'm going to give it a shot.

In no particular order:

(1) If you make it all about you, there are going to be problems

Marriage is the ultimate give-and-take situation. Your emphasis needs to be on "give."

Inevitably there are going to be times when your needs aren't being met, or at least when you think they're not being met, which for practical purposes is the same thing. It may sound counter-intuitive, but in these situations you need to concentrate on putting the other person first.

I know, I know. Right about now you're thinking, "Yeah, but what about me?" And right there is your problem. You're going to have to have a little faith. I don't know how it works, but whenever I think of what Terry wants first, I inevitably end up getting what I want, as well. Works virtually every time.

Trust me on this one. It's spouse first and you second (or, if you have kids, you third).

(2) If you don't make it all about you, there are going to be problems

See what I did there? This is the essence of one of the great conundrums of marriage.

On one hand, as I said, you need to seek first to serve rather than be served. But...

If you're continually playing the role of the martyr, the effect tends to wear off.

See, ideally, if you put your spouse first, they will reciprocate. You can spend a very happy several decades together if the pattern is mutual servanthood.

But if the servanthood is one-sided, the person doing the serving is inevitably going to become bitter and resentful. It will happen even to the best of us.

So you do have to assert yourself. Speak up. Don't make your partner guess. Let them know where you see problems in the relationship and talk it out. Don't expect the other person to read your mind.

(3) Understand something very important that holds true for almost any relationship...

My dear sister Judi (whom I miss dearly) once said something I didn't understand at the time, but that I later realized was very profound.

She told me, "The things that attracted you to your partner in the first place are the exact things that will irritate you and drive you crazy later on."

There is much truth to this.

I haven't asked Terry in what specific ways this applies to her as my wife, but I imagine it's my quirky forgetfulness and completely oblivious approach to life that make her nuts. Initially these may have seemed cute, almost endearing.

But now, two or three decades down the road? Let's just say the woman is a saint for continuing to live under the same roof as me.

(4) If you're like most couples, you will never have the same body temperature at the same time

Look, I don't understand how this works, nor can I grasp why it's so universal. But at any given time, one of you will think the house is too hot while the other will be running to turn up the thermostat because they think it's freezing.

And generally speaking, from my experience, men are usually hot while women are usually cold. There are exceptions, but that's the pattern.

If you watch Terry and me sleep, you will think we're living in different dimensions. She'll be snuggled under a pile of covers while I'm laying on top of the sheets sweating. And we're three feet away from each other.

Barring the very unlikely occurrence of differing climatic patterns within our bedroom, I will simply chalk this up to inextricably variable body temperatures. There's no solving it, there's only dealing with it.

And while I may be biased here, it seems to me the cold person should be the one who deals with it. If I'm too hot and I'm already laying in bed uncovered, what more am I going to do? Stripping down naked probably won't make that much of a difference.

But the cold person can pile on successive layers of blankets until they're warm, which would suggest that we should simply lower the temperature in the bedroom until the warm person is happy.

Unless of course I'm trying to adhere to my own Rule #1. In which case I'll just sleep on a block of ice while she blissfully snoozes next to me in our blazing-hot bedroom. What can I say? I love her.

To my wife on our 20th anniversary

Dear Terry,

Twenty years ago today we were married. Can you believe that? I can't even remember what I did yesterday, but I clearly recall June 6, 1992. It was one of the greatest days of my life (and is still the most fun I've ever had at a wedding reception).

After 7,305 days of marriage, there are two things I can say for sure:

(1) You've somehow managed to become even more beautiful.
(2) I haven't.

I know you don't think you're especially pretty these days because you're a mom, and moms as a rule don't have very strong egos. But sometimes I look at you from across the room and my heart does that little skip-a-beat thing it used to do when we were first dating. How is it that you never seem to catch me staring?

I guess our marriage, like anyone else's, has had its share of ups and downs. But for the life of me, as I sit here and try to think of the downs, I'm coming up empty. Lots of ups. Lots and LOTS of ups. But downs? I seriously can't list any.

The only bad part about that is I start to take it all for granted. I assume that's the way it's always going to be, and maybe it will. But you should never take God's blessings for granted. And you, Mrs. Tennant, are definitely a blessing from above.

I appreciate that you've put up with me for so many years. I'm not much at fixing stuff. Nor am I generally a willing yardwork partner. And as hard as I've tried, I haven't been able to earn enough money to make us independently wealthy yet. But on the plus side, I can punctuate a sentence for you and wash your kitchen floor...and I think there's something to be said for both of those things.

Did you know the symbol for your 20th anniversary is China (the dinnerware, not the country)? I didn't. But it reminded me of all the effort I expended trying to convince you that "Frost White" was the dish pattern we should go with: simple, elegant, pure white. But you said no. I think you probably made the right call there.

Anyway, in the midst of all the chaos that comes with keeping a family of seven fed, clothed and generally happy, I thought I should at least take five minutes out of our crazy day to let you know how much I appreciate you. And how much I hope for 20 (or 40...or 60) more great years together with you. We should all be so blessed.

Happy anniversary, honey.

Love,
Scotto

You've got your ball, you've got your chain...

I like people who like their spouses.

That's the way it should be, right? I mean, YOU made the choice to marry this person. Did you ever sit down for a second and think, "Wait, can I see myself enjoying him/her for the rest of my life?" There's a certain amount of pre-wedding due diligence you need to undertake that goes beyond what color the reception centerpieces will be.

Now of course, I understand we're all going to be irritated with our spouses from time to time. Why, I think Terry has been mad at me a time or two...or three...during the last 20 years. But I'm talking big picture here. On the whole, can you see yourself enjoying this person's company over the long haul? Do you WANT to be around them?

I'm aware we all change over time. And I suppose there's a lot of wisdom in something my sister Judi once told me: "The things you thought were cute or endearing about your significant other early on are exactly the things that are likely to irritate you later."

I've known my wife for 26 years. That's about 62% of my lifespan to this point. Neither of us is the same person we were at age 16 when we met, but then again, who is EVER the same person in their 40s that they were in their teens? Essential personality traits may not change, but your attitude, your outlook, your goals, and your general approach to life certainly will.

I'm very blessed in that Terry and I started as fairly similar people and have essentially changed in the same direction over the years. We're extremely compatible. We make each other laugh every day, without exception. As I've often said, absolutely no one in the world thinks we're funnier than we do. We crack ourselves up.

I want to be around other people who are similarly blessed. I like those whose spouse is clearly their best friend. I can relate to them far better than to those who whine about their better (or worse) halves all the time.

I read those letters in Dear Abby from husbands complaining their wives have gained 100 pounds since they got married and they're ready to leave them. And I think, "I'm sure you're looking like an underwear model yourself these days, eh, Ace?"

And even if Ace IS sporting a six-pack, there needs to be some substance behind the "for better or for worse" portion of the wedding vow he made.

I certainly don't claim to be an expert in this area, nor am I a licensed marriage counselor or anything. But I do have a theory about marital discord. My theory is that, as a race, we human beings don't do nearly enough walking in other people's shoes. We're way too quick to assume that someone who hurts us does so out of spite, or out of selfishness, or out of a desire to intentionally cause us pain.

In fact, in my experience, people most of the time are not driven by hateful or hurtful motives. Selfish motives, certainly, but not necessarily spiteful. So when our spouse does something that makes us angry, we often automatically assume they did it because they don't care. When in fact what they did was likely driven by some personal need or desire of which we may not be aware.

Before we get mad at our husband or wife, we would all be a lot better off if we took 30 seconds to ask ourselves, "Why would she have done that? What could have driven that behavior?" And if we can't figure out the answer, then we should ask our spouse. Not get mad at them, not shout at them. But just ask, "Why?"

Quite often, the answer will surprise you. Or at least it will make you take a step back and think, "Ohhhhh, OK, I see. What he did was definitely hurtful to me, but he either didn't realize it would be hurtful, or else there was some other circumstance affecting him I didn't know about."

Do I practice what I'm preaching here? Sometimes. Not nearly enough, but sometimes. I go from the basic premise that Terry loves me and isn't intentionally going to hurt me. That doesn't mean she WON'T hurt me, but I at least know that's not what she's trying to do. So when she does something to make me mad, there's almost always something else going on with her that I need to take into account.

If you're going to be married for the rest of your life (and please, people, can we all at least TRY to work from that premise?), you should be happy with the person who's taking the journey with you, don't you think? Maybe, if we walk that proverbial mile in our spouse's shoes, we can all get a little closer to that goal.