Five highly underrated candies

(5) 100 Grand Bar

When I was growing up, this delicious mixture of chocolate, caramel and crisp rice was known as the "$100,000 Bar." I have no idea why they changed the name, but thankfully, they don't seem to have changed the recipe. I could eat a dozen of these. I won't, but I could. 

(4) Chunky

The key here for me is the raisins. I love me some raisins. I realize some people do not love them some raisins. It's their choice to ignore one of the greatest snack foods mankind has ever known. Anyway, the chocolate and peanuts help, too. I feel like Chunky bars had their heyday 30 or 40 years ago and are just kind of hanging around the candy universe these days. When I buy one, I like to think I'm helping the brand stay relevant.

(3) Charms Blow Pops

All Blow Pops are good (I especially like how the Blue Razz turns your tongue a completely different color), but cherry Blow Pops are the default classic flavor. It's the one I'm looking for anytime Blow Pops are an option. Actually it's like having two options, since your reward for getting to the center is a nice chewy piece of bubble gum.

(2) Raisinets

Quintessential movie theatre candy. And again, we get back to my love of raisins. If I'm having candy at the movies, it's almost always going to be Raisinets. Chocolate-covered raisins are dangerous in that I could eat several boxes. Not only does that mean copious amounts of sugar and a high calorie count, it also means the very real possibility of intestinal distress thanks to the raisins. So yeah, gotta be a little careful here.

(1) Charleston Chew

I never understood how Charleston Chews weren't more popular. I particularly love the strawberry flavor, but chocolate and vanilla are also great. And of course, to have the full Charleston Chew experience, you have to put it in the freezer and let it harden, then rap it against a table edge to break it into pieces and eat cold. Absolutely delicious. I associate Charleston Chews with a 7-11 store that used to be near my house, but I think you can still get them anywhere? If not, try Amazon. I'm telling you, it's worth it.

I really want to be a foodie, but I'm having a hard time with it

As part of my job, I spend a little time each week reading foodie magazines.

You know the magazines I'm talking about: Food & Wine, Bon Appetit, Chef, Pretentious and Most Likely Inedible Cooking Monthly, etc.

These are publications read mostly by people who fancy themselves to be amateur gourmets. There is a part of me that wants to be one of these people, but two things get in the way:

1. I rarely cook anything more complicated than macaroni and cheese.
2. I'm honestly not sure whether some of the suggested dishes in these magazines are meant as a joke.

Have you ever read the recipes they print in these high-end food and cooking publications? They tend to be...eclectic.

I recently read an interview with a chef who was asked to describe the best meal he had ever eaten. His answer (I'm not kidding) was, "buttermilk and pine salt chicken with pigeon sausage, and raisin and stout chutney."

I'm sorry, what?

For me, that's nothing more than a string of vaguely food-related words that may or may not mean anything.

Seriously, I'm brimming with questions about this supposedly real meal, like:

• Is the buttermilk separate? Or was the main course "buttermilk and pine salt chicken?" I'll assume the latter, but it should be mentioned that my dad used to drink whole glasses of straight-up buttermilk, so I can't be sure.
• I don't know what "pine salt" is. Or is it "salt chicken" seasoned with pine? I'm not even sure how to read that phrase.
• Pigeon sausage? Really? Pigeon sausage? I just...well, I mean...pigeon sausage? Who does that? Who, in the words of my friend Jennifer Cimperman, lives like that? Pigeons are meant to be fed in the park, not eaten. With OR without pine salt.
• And what's the deal with this raisin and stout chutney? I had heard the word "chutney" before, but I wasn't sure what it was, so of course I let Google figure it out for me. Chutney, it turns out, is "a spicy condiment made of fruits or vegetables with vinegar, spices and sugar, originating in India."
• This does not explain how "stout" ended up in there. I know stout to be a dark beer, and I assume that's the meaning intended here. It would never occur to me to mix raisins (which I like) with stout (which I also like). Just because two things are good doesn't mean you should mix them. That's the one and only culinary law to which I hold firmly.

I shouldn't say this, but sometimes I think chefs compete with each other to see who can come up with the weirdest, most stomach-churning recipe and get people to actually eat it, under the guise that only someone with a refined palette can truly appreciate the combination of, say, bananas and mayonnaise.

Yet ratings for cooking shows have never been higher. Chefs are more than just preparers of tasty food. They're celebrities. They're artists. They're cultural icons.

Not that I'm denigrating their skills. They do something I never could. It's just...I think they (and we) have taken the whole thing a little too far.

Because, you know...pigeon sausage?

Confessions

1. I don't remember ever hearing of Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus, and Michelle Knight before in my life...and I live within 20 miles of them. Thus, when this whole story broke, it took me a good 24 hours to understand who these people were, what had happened to them, and why this was such an incredibly big deal. You can't imagine my confusion.
   
   
2. With huge apologies to my nephew Mark, until a year or two ago, I wasn't quite sure who the band Oasis was, and I couldn't have identified a single song by them. Mark is their biggest fan. I don't understand how their existence passed me by, but it did. They're apparently quite good. Sorry, Mark.
   
   
3. I don't dislike the New York Yankees nearly as much as I dislike the Boston Red Sox. Sorry, fellow Cleveland sports fans. I realize this violates some sort of code, but there you have it. Let it be said, though, that my intense dislike for the Pittsburgh Steelers trumps them both, for what that's worth.
   
   
4. I like raisins and prunes. A lot. Even more than, say, ice cream. I know this makes me a freak. I know this makes some people almost angry at me. But again, there you have it. I'm not changing. (And for the record, I think the Sun Maid girl in the little bonnet is pretty hot.)
   
   
5. Speaking of hot, if I had to pick another male on this planet that I could look like, I'm still going with George Clooney. I know he's not the Hot Guy du Jour, but I think he's a darn good-looking dude. In, um, a strictly platonic way, of course.