I need a new doctor and I'm apparently biased against men

This is my soon-to-be former physician, Dr. Spech-Holderbaum. She would probably think it's funny that I'm posting a photo of her on my blog.

My primary care physician, the wonderful Michelle Spech-Holderbaum, M.D., is retiring in a week. I have been seeing her since the 90s, as has my wife. She has also been my father-in-law's doctor for many years.

There was a part of me that looked forward to annual check-ups because she was always so nice and always took the time to answer questions, give advice, and really just listen.

So now I need a new doc, which is cool. Dr. Spech-Holderbaum deserves her retirement after many years of being very good at her job.

Dr. Spech-Holderbaum worked for the Lake Health medical system, but rather than look there for her replacement, I first checked out the local branch of the Cleveland Clinic that's near my home.

I went onto their website, where you can select physicians by specialty; whether they treat adults, children, or both; and by gender. And without giving it a thought, I automatically set the parameters to internal medicine, adults only, female.

It's not that I looked at the gender box and said, "What, have a man poke and prod me? Forget it!" I just subconsciously picked "female" because that's all I've known for many years.

And there were, by the way, many female physicians there from which to choose.

Are female doctors more attentive? Better listeners? More in tune with their patients' fears and worries? Maybe. Those are all stereotypes, and they're certainly not universal (I know men in many professions who possess those qualities in spades.)

But for whatever reason, I'm almost certainly going with a woman as the next person to whom I will, once a year, ask dumb questions about vitamins, my horribly scarred hamstrings, and if I'm really OK at my current weight or whether losing a few more pounds is a good idea.

As a man, all I can say is that I would not want the job of caring for neurotic me.

My doctor and the five love languages

It is often the case in marriage that the wife makes health care decisions not only for herself and for the children, but also for her husband. Some guys simply won't go to the doctor unless someone makes them go, and most of the time, the only person who can make a husband do anything is his wife.

That last part – about the wife's ability to make her husband do anything – is absolutely true for me. Life is easier if I just go along with whatever Terry says. Plus, if I'm being honest here, I'll tell you I'm also terrified of her.

But the part about guys not wanting to go to the doctor? Not me at all. This may sound strange, but I love going to the doctor. I'm not kidding, I look forward to it.

Part of the reason is because my primary care doc, Dr. Spech-Holderbaum, is wonderful. I really like her, and she takes the time to answer my questions.

More importantly, she also takes time to praise me when I put up good numbers. Like, for instance, if my weight and blood pressure are in the healthy range, she tells me what a good job I did.

I am a 46-year-old man. I should not be motivated by a pat on the head from my physician, but I am. I get giddy with anticipation when I know my vitals are good and I'm going to see Dr. Spech-Holderbaum soon.

This is because my love language is "Words of Affirmation." Are you hip to the whole love language thing? The concept comes from a 20-year-old book by relationship counselor Gary Oldman called "The Five Love Languages."

The idea, as I remember it, is that everyone has a particular love language; that is, a particular way of speaking or acting by their partner to which they respond best. (And I think everyone also has a secondary love language, but I'm not sure on that part.)

As I said, my primary love language is "Words of Affirmation," which is just what it sounds like. If you tell me I did a good job and offer up a few words of praise every once in a while, I will run through a brick wall for you. You'll have me hooked.

Other love languages are Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Terry's love language is Acts of Service, as I'm reminded every time I sit down on the couch and she puts her feet in my lap so I can rub them.

Anyway, we were talking about my doctor. I have my annual physical scheduled for this Monday, and I'm genuinely excited to go. I'm anticipating some glowing feedback from Dr. Spech-Holderbaum. In fact, I'm not nearly as concerned about getting a gauge on my overall physical well-being as I am about hearing what a good and conscientious person I am.

It's sad, really.