Overcoming negative self-talk in your life

We are dipping back into Jenn's Big Book of Wisdom for today's post, referring to my Weight Watchers leader Jenn. She does not get paid enough to serve as the fount of all knowledge in my life, but these days she fills that role anyway. God bless her.

At a recent Saturday morning meeting, Jenn talked about the the voice we often hear inside our heads that is self-critical and negative. It is counterproductive to everything each of us tries to achieve in our wellness journeys, yet we often yield to it.

It's the voice that tells you, for example, that there's no way you're going to lose the weight you need, and even if you do, it will be impossible to keep off.

It's the voice that tells you you're a bad parent and are screwing up your kids.

It's the voice that tells you you don't deserve the good things you have in your life.

It's the voice that lies, and its effects can be devastating.

I am very much a self-critical person, and I've always seen this as a positive trait. I figure that if you're constantly monitoring everything you're doing wrong and addressing it, you will inevitably be a better person.

And of course there's something to be said for continuous self-improvement. I'm not saying you shouldn't always strive to up your game in the areas of life that really count, because you should.

But there's a very fine line between constructive self-criticism and self-loathing, and sometimes we cross it without even knowing.

At the risk of sounding new age-y and maybe a bit more touchy feeling than I'm comfortable with, your main battle is probably not with living a healthy lifestyle or becoming a better spouse/parent/friend. Your main battle is likely to be loving yourself.

My guess is that some people have healthier attitudes in this regard than others, but it's something we should all keep in mind.

Don't get complacent, but understand that you're worth a lot more to way more people than you probably realize.

My doctor and the five love languages

It is often the case in marriage that the wife makes health care decisions not only for herself and for the children, but also for her husband. Some guys simply won't go to the doctor unless someone makes them go, and most of the time, the only person who can make a husband do anything is his wife.

That last part – about the wife's ability to make her husband do anything – is absolutely true for me. Life is easier if I just go along with whatever Terry says. Plus, if I'm being honest here, I'll tell you I'm also terrified of her.

But the part about guys not wanting to go to the doctor? Not me at all. This may sound strange, but I love going to the doctor. I'm not kidding, I look forward to it.

Part of the reason is because my primary care doc, Dr. Spech-Holderbaum, is wonderful. I really like her, and she takes the time to answer my questions.

More importantly, she also takes time to praise me when I put up good numbers. Like, for instance, if my weight and blood pressure are in the healthy range, she tells me what a good job I did.

I am a 46-year-old man. I should not be motivated by a pat on the head from my physician, but I am. I get giddy with anticipation when I know my vitals are good and I'm going to see Dr. Spech-Holderbaum soon.

This is because my love language is "Words of Affirmation." Are you hip to the whole love language thing? The concept comes from a 20-year-old book by relationship counselor Gary Oldman called "The Five Love Languages."

The idea, as I remember it, is that everyone has a particular love language; that is, a particular way of speaking or acting by their partner to which they respond best. (And I think everyone also has a secondary love language, but I'm not sure on that part.)

As I said, my primary love language is "Words of Affirmation," which is just what it sounds like. If you tell me I did a good job and offer up a few words of praise every once in a while, I will run through a brick wall for you. You'll have me hooked.

Other love languages are Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Terry's love language is Acts of Service, as I'm reminded every time I sit down on the couch and she puts her feet in my lap so I can rub them.

Anyway, we were talking about my doctor. I have my annual physical scheduled for this Monday, and I'm genuinely excited to go. I'm anticipating some glowing feedback from Dr. Spech-Holderbaum. In fact, I'm not nearly as concerned about getting a gauge on my overall physical well-being as I am about hearing what a good and conscientious person I am.

It's sad, really.

My wife is pregnant

Just kidding! She's not. Just wanted to see if you'd click on the link.

Which I know is terrible. I'm truly sorry about that. And by "truly sorry" I of course mean "not sorry at all."

That's because I'm one of those people on the Internet who's trying to get your attention. There are millions of us out there, and we're all annoying in our own special way.

Many of us are bloggers. We jot down our thoughts a few times a week, build up a little following, and then hope you'll continue stopping by regularly to read our little missives. Whether or not you agree with what we have to say is almost irrelevant. All we want is for you to keep on coming.

Most bloggers won't admit it, but virtually all of us live and die by our page view and unique visitor counts. We measure ourselves by the size of our audience, and we're devastated when it shrinks for any reason.

Which is why I used that medically impossible headline today. I promote my three-times-a-week blogging habit through Facebook and Twitter links, and I notice that the readership on any given post is almost directly tied to the quality of the headline/title.

And that makes sense, of course. The only thing my readers and potential readers have to go on is the headline. I've set up short headlines and links to be automatically posted at 6 a.m. sharp every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

If the headline is compelling, you'll click on it. If it's not, you won't.

Now, what constitutes "compelling" is a bit more art than it is science. There are at least two types of headlines that tend to draw in readers:

(1) Ones that promise something that may be useful to you in your personal or professional life

(2) Ones that seem reasonably certain of making you laugh

If a blogger can combine the two, that's the holy grail right there, my friend. I've never quite achieved that ideal blend, but I continue trying.

I'm also an Internet consumer myself, of course, and I know what types of blog post headlines draw me in. Usually they have a number in the title that represents some sort of list. Like "5 Ways to Make Your Blog Bigger than Amazon" or "7 Things You're Not Doing to Advance Your Career Because You're a Lazy Slob."

Whatever the title, I'm likely to click on it if it seems like something that might benefit me without a great investment of my time.

Sometimes I look back at old posts from this particular blog and I wonder how/why it is that anybody at all read them. Like, for example, I had one called "The Never-Ending Horror of Laundry," or some such. That headline doesn't promise to make you any smarter, richer or happier. And I don't know that it was particularly funny. But more than 200 people read it.

Maybe they all came away from it disappointed. I don't know. But the fact is, they clicked on it. And any one of my posts that attracts 200 or more people is a success in my book.

Which, now that I think about it, indicates an acute, unhealthy need on my part for attention and validation, often from total strangers. That's kind of sad.

I think my next post will be headlined "17 Reasons Why My Self-Esteem Will Collapse If You Don't Read This."