WHY did you have kids?

No one has ever asked me this, but it only now occurs to me that I have no good answer to the question of why Terry and I had kids in the first place.

Why DID we have kids? And why five? I don't know that there was much conscious thought on either point. There was, frankly, a certain element of, "Well, we're married. We're young. Having kids is what you're supposed to do next."

But who says that's what you're supposed to do next? God, I guess. "Be fruitful and multiply" and all that. But it's certainly not a requirement for living a happy and fulfilling life. Lots and lots of people are childless and perfectly content (or "child-free," as many like to say, as if having kids is some sort of disease...which for them it may well seem to be, and that's fine).

Beyond the "life momentum" thing, though, why have kids? What prompts someone to do that? I think there's a certain level of vanity to it. It's the biological equivalent of saying, "You know what? I'm a pretty good person. The world would be a better place if there were a few more people running around who look and presumably act just like me."

NOTE TO WOULD-BE PARENTS: It doesn't always work that way. Your children may resemble one or both of you, but there's no guarantee they'll act the way you want them to act. I got lucky. Or I should say I was blessed. I happen to have ended up with good kids, due mostly to the tireless efforts of Terry to civilize the little beasts.

There's also probably a degree of curiosity to it. "I wonder what it would be like to have a baby. Or a toddler. Or an adolescent. Or a teenager. Or a young adult. Or all of the above." Unfortunately, the only way to truly answer these questions is actually to experience parenthood. And if you happen to find that you're not particularly good at it, or that it doesn't suit you, you're kind of stuck with the kid. Chalk it up to child protection laws and societal norms and whatnot.

Financially, kids can be a huge drain, though the U.S. tax code is written such that they serve as valuable deductions when you're filling out the ol' Form 1040. In the end, though, you spend far more money on them than you ever get back.

Truly, the payoff to having kids is intangible. I've written about it many times and won't go into it here, but suffice to say that I would never, ever change a thing about the decisions Terry and I have made when it comes to having children. It is an incredible experience that has made me a far better person.

Why did I have kids? I don't know. But the rewards are amazing.

Four reasons you should have kids

You will learn a love you didn't even know existed

It's different from the way you love your spouse. Not better, not more intense, just different. Your care and concern for these little humans will be, at times, all-consuming. You think you understand this love before you become a parent, but you don't. It starts the minute that child is born and continues on forever. That's a good thing, because there will also be times when you want to kill the little brat (which, it turns out, is illegal in most states).

Two words: Tax deduction

I hate to be so blunt about it, but man, having five kids definitely has its tax advantages. Our tax code is written in a way that encourages you to procreate. So go ahead and Dugger it up! That tax refund check will be huge! Of course, you'll blow the whole thing on diapers and sippy cups, but the folks at Costco will love to see you coming.

Men only: Free food in the maternity ward refrigerator

I believe it's the policy in most hospitals (at least it was in the two hospitals where my kids were born) to provide a refrigerator stocked with food and drink for expectant fathers to consume while their wives are in labor. All of this stuff is absolutely free. I'm all about free stuff, especially edible free stuff. But you must remember to down it all before you get back to your wife's room. She can't eat while in labor, and she will despise you if she sees food. And pregnant women have superhuman strength. You don't want to mess with them.

You can perform incredible feats of sleep deprivation!

This doesn't necessarily apply to all parents. Some people have babies who sleep through the night right from the get-go. Our first few babies were like this, and I often wondered, "What exactly is it that people always complain about when it comes to babies? They sleep at night just like us. Piece of cake!" Then Melanie came along and she took a good 18 months to sleep through the wee hours consistently. And Jack had his share of problems mastering this skill, as well. It's not fun. BUT...you find yourself accomplishing stuff on 45 minutes of sleep you never thought possible. There's a certain sense of grim pride in this. Trust me, you'll learn to embrace it.