My failure of the month (and why everyone telling you how great you are at something may not be the best thing)

This isn’t a post about my side hustle of sports public address (PA) announcing, but I’m going to use announcing as an example of something I’ve found to be true both personally and professionally.

By way of context, I do a lot of sports PA work in the Cleveland area. And by “sports PA work,” I mean the voice you hear in high school, college or professional gyms, arenas and stadiums that tells you the starting lineups, who scored, who committed fouls, etc.

In other words, it’s the man/woman speaking over the public address system and not, for example, the person doing play-by-play online or over the radio, though I have done some of that.

I have full-time announcing gigs at three different high schools and regularly sub in at two colleges and a handful of other institutions. I’ve announced almost every sport you can, from football, soccer, hockey and volleyball to baseball, softball, basketball and lacrosse. It’s a lot of fun, and a chunk of the money I earn funds an annual scholarship given to a graduating senior from Wickliffe High School.

Altogether, I probably do about 100 events each year.

Until a decade ago, I had no idea I possessed any talent at all for this. But – and I say this with genuine humility, because I am far from the very best person you’ll ever hear on the mic – it turns out I’m pretty good at it. Through the accidents of physiology and general brain chemistry, I have a decent PA voice, and my natural rhythm and phrasing are such that I sound somewhat professional.

Again, I’m far from being a true pro, but at the local high school level, I’m likely one of the better PA guys you’re going to run across. This is not bragging, it’s just a general observation.

So here’s where the problem lies.

My philosophy has always been that the announcer should be much like an offensive lineman in football: If he/she does their job well, you hardly know they’re there. It can be thrilling, but obviously the athletes on the field or court are why everyone comes. Absolutely no one buys a ticket to hear you talk.

Still, people in general tend to be very nice, so I get a lot of compliments on my PA work. (NOTE: I suspect you don’t necessarily have to be a great announcer to get people to say good things about you, by the way. Often, it’s more about the fact that they hear you over and over at every game or match, and in their mind your voice becomes associated with happy memories of watching their child, grandchild, niece/nephew, friend, etc. play a sport, no matter how good you actually are.)

Anyway, having done this for a number of years, I’ve received a pretty long list of compliments, all of which are very gratefully received. I personally think I’m probably average to a bit above average at the PA thing and no more, but as I said, the people I come across in the course of this work can be effusive in their praise.

The result is that, no matter how humble you try to be, hearing how great you are at something can leave you less motivated to get better at it. There’s a part of your brain that says you can put it in cruise control because, hey, you’re a star, baby!

Sometimes I find myself doing less pregame preparation than I used to because, really, who needs prep when you’re already a pro?

This is both silly and dangerous. If I give myself credit for anything when it comes to PA work, it’s commitment to detail and preparation. I get confirmation on the pronunciation of every name on the roster, including the seemingly obvious ones like “John Smith.” I try and memorize names and uniform numbers so I can quickly deliver the right information. I write down all player substitutions before announcing them because I want them to be 100% accurate. The athletes deserve at least that much from the PA guy.

Once you start believing your own hype – even if it’s just a string of nice words from well-meaning friends and acquaintances – you stop getting better. And in most cases, you regress.

The parallels to almost anything else in your life, at work or at home, are probably obvious. We should be our own worst critics, though I don’t mean that in an unhealthy way. I’m not talking about putting yourself down, but rather continually asking how you can be a better spouse, parent, friend, professional, hobbyist, etc.

It's what business professionals often refer to as "continuous improvement."

No matter what compliments you're paid or which honors or awards you receive, don’t ever fall into the trap of reading your own press clippings (so to speak).

Want to know the best thing that has happened to me recently? Something that, at first, I didn’t think was all that great? It was auditioning for and not getting the PA role for a local lower-level professional sports team. I gave it my best shot, but it wasn’t good enough.

I won’t lie, at first it stung. But it made me go back and reevaluate not just how I did in the actual audition, but in general where I am in terms of my delivery, prep and general approach to PA work. I found some areas where I’ve been slacking off, so I’m working to correct them such that my overall performance continues to improve, even if slowly and incrementally.

We all love getting a “great job” every once in a while, but in the long run, we probably benefit a little more from “thanks but no thanks” and “hey, let’s work on this.”

The attraction of violence and war to some non-violent men (like me)

I have two interests that surprise a lot of people who know me, or who at least think they know me:

(1) War

(2) Combat sports

The second of those is somewhat sentimental in origin in that it was my dad who taught me about boxing and how to appreciate it. He watched the Friday Night Fights religiously, and when I watched with him, I was always amazed at how accurately he could predict the outcome based solely on the first few seconds of a bout.

I still catch a boxing match on TV every once in a while, and when I do, I think of the things he taught me about what separates good fighters from also-rans.

My interest in military history is more self-generated, though my dad did serve in the post-World War II U.S. Army and later the Army Air Corps. While my main interest is World War I, it's really the psychology of all war that draws me in.

For what it's worth  – and admittedly it's likely not worth that much, given my lack of personal experience on both fronts  – my theory is that most men overestimate how well they would do in a hand-to-hand street fight and underestimate how brave they would be in combat.

Because that's what I believe attracts many guys to study war and to follow violent sports: the question of how you yourself would do if thrown into those situations.

If a guy came up to me on the street and started swinging, could I defend myself? If I was called to run into machine gun fire and try to take a trench 400 yards away, as the soldiers of World War I were often commanded to do, would I have the guts to do it? If I was challenged to a scrap by a bigger guy in the middle of a hockey game, would I be willing to stand in there and trade punches?

That, I find, is what many men want to know when it comes to these subjects. How did others react, and would I be able to do the same (or to avoid their mistakes)?

By the way, I'm referencing only men here because (a) I am one, and I can really only relate to my own gender when it comes to these questions, and (b) The wars I study most closely all happened decades or even centuries ago, when 99.9% of the combatants were male. I fully realize there are highly skilled female boxers and women in all branches of the military who take part in combat now. But what little understanding I have of these questions derives fully from a man's perspective.

I think it's important here to acknowledge some hard truths:

• War and violence in general are stupid. They are ugly and vulgar and should be avoided in all but extreme cases.
• Boxing and ultimate fighting are problematic. They have the potential to cause devastating long-term neurological and other damage, and in some cases even death. I don't disagree with those who see combat sports as barbaric.
• Street fights are incredibly dumb, driven as they usually are by fragile male egos, unrestrained machismo, and quite often, alcohol.

Yet at the same time, I find the following also to be true:

• There is a certain degree of nobility in the soldier who picks up a rifle and defends not only his foxhole buddies but also the nation standing behind him.
• To a far lesser extent, there is something to be admired in the hockey fighter who comes to the aid of a teammate, standing up for someone on the ice who cannot stand up for himself.
• No matter how "enlightened" I think I am about violence, the world is full of lunkheads who don't have the brain cells required to think through these questions, and who will start throwing punches at the slightest provocation. As a Christian, I am called to turn the other cheek in these situations, but as a male, the unfortunate reality is that I am probably not going to back down. I am going to fight back.

There is dichotomy in all of this. I will continue to study war despite its ugliness, and I still condone fighting in hockey and the sport of boxing despite the issues associated with both.

I'm not a fan of spontaneous street fights, but I know they will continue to happen for reasons that are as old as time.

The eternal question of "why," and the primal inclination of many men toward violent behavior, are puzzles that neither I nor anyone else is ever likely to solve. All the same, I can't stop myself looking for the answers within myself and from others.

Five knickknacks that have followed me from job to job and office to office for the last 20 years

I'm always interested to see how people who work in offices (at their place of business or remotely at home) decorate their desks, cabinets and bookshelves.

Photos are most common, it seems, and for good reason. I have a photo of Terry and me on my desk that I look at often and that serves to remind me why I do what I do 40-50 hours a week for the Materion Corporation.

But beyond the pics of kids, spouses and significant others, there are other little bits of office decor I always find fascinating. They provide some insight into what people value, what they do with their free time, and in general what their personalities are like.

I have worked in an office setting since 1988, if you want to call newspaper newsrooms "office settings." They are unlike traditional business offices in that they're generally loud, sometimes frenetic, and usually filled with what could most politely be described as irreverent conversation. I worked in newsrooms from '88 to '96 before moving into more genteel offices.

Since 2002 I've had something like 10 different offices at six companies. Each time I've switched jobs or undergone an office move, there is a core set of items I've smothered in bubble wrap and carried from place to place. They have stayed with me for most or all of these past two decades, and I can't imagine an office without them.

Draw whatever conclusions you will about me from these longtime office knickknacks:

The Laughing Buddha

In December 2005, I spent two full weeks in China meeting with journalists to pitch story ideas on behalf of the clients I represented as a vice president at Cleveland public relations firm Dix & Eaton. I picked this up at a Shanghai market for what I'm sure was a criminally low price, as the dollar was particularly strong against the Chinese yuan at the time. There's something about him that makes me happy, and I've always made a point of putting him in parts of my office where I'm sure to see him.

The Mexican Porcupine

Speaking of Dix & Eaton, about a year and a half after I joined the firm, we moved from Downtown Cleveland's Erieview Tower maybe a half-mile away to the 200 Public Square building. As people were cleaning out their Erieview offices, there was a table where you could discard stuff you didn't want to take with you, just in case others might be interested in it. This little guy was placed on that table (by whom I don't know) and I snatched him up for no other reason than I thought he was cool. A few of the toothpick quills have broken over the years, but he's still going strong and watches me all day long as I work.

The Globe

I always wanted a globe, and one Christmas Terry gave me this little beauty. It serves no practical purpose, but then again, what true knickknack does? Actually I take that back. In 2019, a day before we were scheduled to fly to Australia for a cruise, I spun the globe to North America then spun it to Australia, and it was the first time I realized how truly distant the two continents are from one another. It made the 15-hour flight from Los Angeles to Sydney a little more understandable, so I guess the globe provided some benefit in that one instance.

The Puck

I am an ardent fan of the National Hockey League's Ottawa Senators. Have been since they came back into the league (following a 70-year absence) in the early 90s. I think I bought this puck and cheap plastic display case in Niagara Falls when I took one of our kids there way back when. It's a good conversation piece when someone asks the valid question, "How does a lifelong Clevelander become a fan of the Ottawa Senators?"

The Appalachian Trail Rock

Some years ago, my neighbor Tim did some hiking on portions of the Appalachian Trail. Knowing that a through-hike of the trail is a likely-never-to-happen bucket list item of mine, he very graciously brought back a rock for me, just so I could have a little piece of the 2,150-mile pathway I would love to traverse at some point before I get too old. I always thought that was really nice of him, and it serves as a reminder that we all need to have dreams.

What I'm willing and not willing to do to live a healthy lifestyle

I like to read books about longevity and health. Dr. Michael Roizen is my favorite author in the space, though there are many others – Drs. Joel Fuhrman and Neil Barnard come to mind – who are also go-to sources for this type of information.

Of course, there's a difference between reading about healthy living and, you know, actually following through on it. If you were to ask people who know me well, they would say I am generally a fairly healthy individual. But I'm more acutely aware of the areas in which I fall short than those in which I'm compliant with the latest recommendations around diet, exercise, stress management, etc.

And now in my early (rapidly approaching middle) 50s, I am largely at peace with it all.

At some point, you have to decide what you're willing to sacrifice in the name of better health and what less-than-healthy indulgences you want to maintain in your life. And connected with that, you have to be ready to accept the consequences of those less-than-healthy choices.

I don't mean to suggest that healthy = boring/difficult/burdensome, by the way. That's not necessarily the case.

But the fact is, many of us naturally prefer the bag of chips over the carrot sticks, and sitting on the couch over getting out and walking.

Over the past 15 years, I've had four what I would call "significant" weight losses of 20 or more pounds each. The biggest of those came in 2016, when I started around 217 and got down as low as 166, which in retrospect was way too low for me.

Yet, if you go by the BMI charts – and believe me, I'm well aware of the limitations of BMI as a measurement of overall health – 166 pounds for someone my height is within 10 pounds of being "overweight." So what's the answer?

As I type this, I'm approaching significant weight loss #5. I've dropped about 17 pounds since the first of September through my method of choice, Weight Watchers. It's a system that works well for me whenever I make up my mind to follow it.

I also benefit from the gender biology of weight loss, in which men generally have an easier time dropping pounds than women do. You ladies get screwed in a lot of ways, and this is one of them.

Last Saturday when I weighed in at the local Weight Watchers studio, the scale read 187.2. My official WW goal weight, as prescribed by my primary care doctor a decade ago, is 185. Once I get there, I'll switch to maintenance mode and try to stay around that number for...well, for the rest of my life.

Because you see, when you're someone who has had a number of successful weight losses, it also means you're someone who each time has put the pounds back on. I have never in my adult life been able to maintain a healthy weight for more than a year at a time. So my next big challenge is learning how to keep myself where I should be in terms of overall body mass.

I'm willing to make the mental and physical sacrifices necessary to do that. In fact, here is a complete list of the things I'm willing to do to live as a healthy person:

• Cardio: I power walk (usually just over 12 minutes/mile) five days a week, generally covering a total of 12 miles every seven days. I'm very consistent with this, and it's largely because I love getting out and moving.
• Eat leafy greens, beans, nuts, fruits and veggies: These are all staples of my daily diet, as they should be.
• Don't smoke: Not a problem. True story - I've never even tried it. Not even once. I have never inhaled smoke from anything and have no desire to try it.
• Keep my weight down: See above.

Those are admirable, but they do not cover all of the bases, health-wise. There are other habits we should be forming if we want to live longer, happier lives, at least from a physical standpoint. Here are the things I should be doing that I'm not:

• Strength training: The truth is, I hate lifting weights. I just despise it. I know I should be doing it, I know it has amazing benefits. Yet I can't seem to get myself to do it with any regularity. It's the one thing on my "bad" list that I hope to change. Maybe it will be my 2023 resolution.
• Meditation: I don't "feel" like I'm stressed, but the recommendation is that we should all be doing something to manage stress in our lives. Deep breathing is another popular technique. I don't make the time to do any of it.
• Getting enough sleep: I rarely sleep more than 7 hours, and most of the time it's more like 6 to 6 1/2 for me. I feel OK, though, or at least I think I feel OK, since there may be a higher level of "OK" of which I'm not even aware that I would experience if I just went to bed earlier. But as well as I sleep, I just don't love it as much as a lot of people do. I would rather be up and doing stuff. If there was a way to live without sleeping, I would jump on it. As it is, I should be getting more shuteye.
• Inserting even more healthy foods into my diet: I love fish, but I rarely eat it. Too much trouble buying and cooking it. I also don't do a good job with the "healthy gut" foods like yogurt, kimchi, etc., nor do I drink nearly enough water.
• Having a social life: I hang out mostly with Terry and my son Jack, the two people with whom I live. You're supposed to have a wider social circle than that, and men in particular tend not to be very good about building and maintaining friendships. I don't know, there doesn't seem to be enough time, though I know the reality is that I could make time if I really wanted.

I could go on, but the point is, I miss the mark on more items health-wise than I hit. That doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I'm doing what I can manage, and if that means a few years off the end of an otherwise healthy and happy life, so be it.

Or at least that's what I say now. Check back with me in another decade or two.

I maintain the illusion of control through the use of daily checklists

As much as I like to think of myself as someone who handles ambiguity well, I find my left brain demanding structure, order and a general feeling that "I've got this," even when I don't, in fact, "got this," and even if I don't quite know what "this" even is at any given time.

Thus, I play this game with myself whereby I make to-do lists. Every day of my life, virtually without exception, I have a to-do list. Sometimes I have two to-do lists: one for home and one for work. And as I tackle individual tasks, I check them off the list.

If you are a list maker, I don't need to tell you the immense satisfaction (it's almost a rush, really) of checking things off the list. When you get to the end of the day and every box is ticked off, you are master of your universe, king/queen of your domain.

Or at least that's what I tell myself. In reality, for every one thing I check off, a part of me knows there are five other things I should be doing that don't fit comfortably on a list.

"Love wife," for instance. I don't put that on the list because, you know, it's just something you do, in ways both tangible and intangible.

"Enjoy nature." It would feel silly putting that on the list and then saying to myself, "From 12:35 to 12:40, I'm going to stand in our backyard and enjoy nature."

The truly meaningful things in life are not things you "complete." You can't write them next to a checkbox and then "do" them in a way that suggests you're ever finished.

I know this to be true. Yet I don't want it to be true because it causes two things to happen, neither of which is particularly enjoyable:

(A) I start to think my insignificant to-do's are just a way to keep from making the effort to really live.

(B) I take less pleasure in those checkmarks that usually give me so much satisfaction.

Yes, eventually the grass needs to be cut, the laundry needs to get done, and the oil needs to be changed. Those things aren't going away, and part of being a responsible adult is ensuring they're taken care of. But they're not a substitute for "living," however you define it.

Which brings me to the illustration at the top of this post from one of the popular Frog and Toad children's books. In this particular story, Toad makes a list of everything he wants to do that day, including "wake up" and "go to sleep."

At one point, a strong wind comes by and Toad's list blows away. "Help!" he cries, "my list is blowing away! What will I do without my list?"

Frog suggests they run and catch the list, but Toad points out he cannot do that because "running after my list is not one of the things that I wrote on my list of things to do."

One time this story was brought up in our family text chat to point out how much like Toad I am and to (gently) make fun of me. I laughed right along with everyone else because, let's face it, I am him.

But I get it, Toad. Oh boy, do I get it. Without the list, there is paralysis. It's laughable, I know, but it's also true.

I could probably use a Frog in my life, though I'm not sure whether I would need him to chase after my list or show me I don't need the list in the first place.

Maybe both.

After 13 years on Facebook, I guess I'll stick around

There is a certain cool factor these days to walking away from Facebook. People give any number of reasons for why they dislike the platform, from censorship and wonky algorithms to privacy concerns and the very existence of Mark Zuckerberg.

There is merit to each of these. Facebook is not without its (deep) flaws.

When I joined in 2009, it was at the suggestion of my wife. As I recall, she said something like, "You would know a lot of people there, and it's interesting to see what everyone posts."

And she was right, I did (know a lot of people on Facebook) and it is (interesting to see what people post).

Every morning I use the Timehop app to look back on the things I've published on various social media sites over the last decade-plus. It cracks me up when I see my early Facebook posts from 2009, because they all looked like this:

"...is boarding a plane for Wichita, Kansas."

Not "I'm now boarding a plane" or "I'm heading to Wichita." Everything I wrote during my first month or two on Facebook followed the same format: ellipsis-verb-object.

As I recall, that was because the prompt in the Facebook posting box in those days was something like, "What are you doing right now?" I somehow assumed it would automatically post my name, and that all I had to do was provide the rest of the sentence.

I was naïve. I still am, but I was particularly Facebook-naïve. By the end of 2009, Facebook had changed its prompt to "What's on your mind?" I believe it stayed that way for many years until recently, when they started using variations of "How's it going?" and "How are you feeling?"

Anyway, I've been a regular FB user for 13 years and I don't see myself abandoning it any time soon. My 1,800 connections include far-flung family, friends and former co-workers, many of whom I would almost never hear from if it weren't for the 'Book. That's just a fact.

I'm also endlessly interested in people's opinions on various topics pertaining to religion, sports and politics. I almost never engage in debates on any of these subjects (I've found that most people are going to believe what they want to believe, even if it's demonstrably untrue), so I end up being more of a lurker than a participant.

And honestly? I genuinely want to see pictures of that new puppy you brought home. And your kids. And your vacation. And even what you're having for dinner.

Even if I don't comment – even if I don't throw a "like" your way – please know I'm reading and looking. Even if it's an artificially idealized version of your life, I still want to see what you're up to and generally know how you're doing.

There are other ways of achieving this, I understand, but Facebook is fun and efficient. And I don't find it to be nearly as impersonal as many others do.

You also can't beat the price, which remains $0.00 a month. I don't think I would be willing to pay for the privilege of seeing someone's uninformed opinion that, for example, the Cleveland Guardians should have started Shane Bieber over Aaron Civale in Game 5 of the American League Division Series (because it wouldn't have made a difference...I know I'm right about that despite any factual evidence to the contrary, which makes me the perfect Facebook user.)

It's that time of year when I have to deal with skunks on my early-morning walks

I'm out power walking most mornings these days. I usually hit the road by 6am and follow a 2.3-mile loop around Miller and West Miller avenues.

It's a beautiful time for morning walks, too, given the conditions. I love 50 degrees and dry, as it often is in Northeast Ohio in early October.

The flip side is that this is also the time when the skunks come out.

I don't know why, but while I never see a skunk in my neighborhood over the summer, they're suddenly out in full force every morning come, say, mid-September. For the next couple of months, there will be more mornings when I see a skunk than mornings I don't.

I assume they're foraging for food. I don't begrudge them that.

But I'm still terrified of them.

I know, I know, they eat insects and small rodents that can wreak havoc. And they're valuable members of the food chain and it's the Circle of Life and blah blah blah.

None of that changes the intrinsic evil of the skunk.

Many of the skunks seem to congregate on the West Miller part of my walk. Once I set foot on that street, I tense up and start scanning the sides of the road for the tell-tale white stripe and low-to-the-ground ambling of Mephitis mephitis.

It's dark when I walk, so there have been times when I've come within 10 feet of a skunk before we both realize the other is there.

I stop in my tracks, while he/she lifts his/her head and raises his/her tail.

Ten feet, you see, is the range a skunk can spray. I back away from the encounter much faster than I walk into it, believe me.

My biggest fear is being right on top of a skunk before I know it's there and getting blasted.

One time, back in my running days, I was cruising down Euclid Avenue at 5:30 in the morning on garbage day, which meant everyone's trash cans were set out on the sidewalk, just a foot or two from where I was running. A skunk looking for breakfast came out from between two cans just as I passed by and my foot grazed his head.

I saw him at the last possible second and took off sprinting. When I came back through that area 15 minutes later on the return part of my loop, the smell of skunk spray was intense. He had reacted to our surprise encounter with the best defense nature had given him.

So anyway, I've taken to changing my walking route most October mornings, though that doesn't guarantee skunk-free status. They can be anywhere this time of year (and it doesn't help that many of the streets in my neighborhood have minimal street lighting and/or street lights timed to turn off while it's still dark).

"Walk later in the day, then," you might say. That would help, but my schedule doesn't usually allow for it. I work all day, and evenings are almost always taken up with some sort of activity. Early morning is my exercise window, so I've got to take advantage of it.

I'm not at all a fan of treadmills – though I'll use them in a hotel when I'm traveling – so I don't consider that an option.

The only thing I can do is stay alert and pray Terry will let me back into the house should I ever end up on the unfortunate end of a skunk spraying attack.

I would rather wear a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey than have that happen. And believe me...that's saying something.

(NOTE: It occurred to me after I wrote this that, while skunks can be a nuisance for walkers and runners, I still don't have to deal with the fear of being assaulted by another human being as my female walking and running counterparts do. They have to live with (and prepare for) that possibility every day, while the chances of it happening to me are much, much lower. They undoubtedly have it worse. I'll take the possibility of a skunk encounter any day over that.)