Monday, October 16, 2023

My phone is getting sassy

MY PHONE: It's 4 minutes from your location to the CVS Pharmacy on Chardon Road

ME: Why do you assume I'm going to CVS every time I get in my car?

MY PHONE: Because you go there a lot.

ME: I don't go there "a lot."

MY PHONE: You actually do.

ME: I do not.

MY PHONE: You do.

ME: Define "a lot."

MY PHONE: More than "occasionally," less than "constantly."

ME: It's barely "occasionally."

MY PHONE: You stop at CVS at least twice a week, sometimes three or four times.

ME: So?

MY PHONE: That's a lot.

ME: It doesn't mean every car trip ends at CVS.

MY PHONE: It does mean I'm right more often than not when I tell you how far away CVS is. Why do you go there so much anyway?

ME: What? Why? What's wrong with CVS?

MY PHONE: It's pricey.

ME: What do you care? It doesn't affect you. Besides, they know me there and they're nice to me.

MY PHONE: I'm nice to you.

ME: No, you're not.

MY PHONE: Every time you want to know the weather forecast, who do you ask? Me.

ME: So?

MY PHONE: Sports scores? You come to me. The year "Galaxy Quest" was released? Me. The lyrics to "Blinded by the Light?" Me. And I come through every time.

ME: But that's your job.

MY PHONE: I could say no.

ME: What? No, you couldn't. You're a phone!

MY PHONE: And way smarter than you.

ME: That's not true.

MY PHONE: It is. And you know it.

ME: Whatever. Can we just get on with this trip?

MY PHONE: Where are we going?

ME: <silence>

MY PHONE: We're going to CVS, aren't we?

ME (sheepishly): Yes.

MY PHONE: We'll be there in 4 minutes.

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