Monday, June 23, 2025

Every once in a while, I like to offer my wife examples of things an idiot would say


The AI-generated wife in this picture is looking at her AI-generated husband the way my real-life wife sometimes looks at me.


This is a fairly common exchange between me and my bride of many years:


ME (cleaning up the kitchen after dinner): What should I do with your glass of water? Dump it out?

TERRY: You should leave it it where it is and not touch it so I can have some later.

ME: Yes, of course! I knew that, but I wanted to show you what an idiot might ask in this situation.


This happens all the time. I ask what ultimately turns out to be a dumb question, and when I hear the answer, my only chance at recovery is humor.

Other situations in which I end up having to offer the "I was just letting you know what an idiot might say" defense include, but are certainly not limited to:

  • When I'm looking for something in our house and she points me toward its easily discernible (for a non-idiot) location
  • When I'm unloading the dishwasher and ask  for what may be the 37th time  which black plastic kitchen tools go in the tool turnabout and which ones go in the sliding drawer to the right
  • When I ask what she's doing today after she has already told me twice
  • When I'm trying desperately to open a package from the wrong end and she gently points out the "tear here" direction on the other side
  • When I ask what time our family get-together starts instead of just looking at the calendar on the fridge
  • When I'm trying to put something together and somehow miss the very clearly marked Tab A that goes into Slot B
And so on.

I view all of this as a helpful service. Without me, my wife would never know how to identify an idiot in her life.

Even though she has lived with one for 33 years.

3 comments:

  1. The "tear here" instructions often don't get you any closer to having the package open than if you did it the way you started. So I think you're fine there.

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  2. I thought I was reading all this about your brother!!LOL

    ReplyDelete