Famous people I've met who would never remember me in a million years

Many people have a story about an encounter they've had with a famous person, whether it was in an airport or restaurant, at a sporting event, or wherever.

And by the way, I always say you should never judge celebrities based on your one encounter with them, good or bad. You're not always at your best (or worst), and there should be some understanding on our part that in the end, they're people just like us.

Anyway, for whatever reason, I've had the opportunity to encounter a few famous types. I have friends and co-workers who have met far more stars and world-class athletes than me, but I'm going to say I've met more than the average person.

And by "meet," I mean you have to shake their hand and/or have direct conversation with them, no matter how brief.

Here's my list:

Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Sarah Silverman
I met the three of them on the set of a movie in which my company is pretty heavily integrated. The release of the movie, titled "Marry Me," has been pushed back a few times and is now set for February 2022. The photo at the top of this post is Sarah and me. She might actually have a faint memory of me because we talked for a good 10 minutes on the set and she once did a skit about Vitamix on "Saturday Night Live." She was nice. Owen Wilson was also nice, though I didn't get to speak with him for nearly as long. As for J-Lo, she was sitting in a director's chair and I just walked up to her, introduced myself, and quickly said how excited we were to be involved in the film. She was soft-spoken and polite to me, but clearly I wasn't supposed to do this. I think I interrupted her while she was studying her lines or something. I chalk it up to being a hayseed Midwestern PR guy who didn't know any better.

Gerard Butler

Met him a few years ago at the Sundance Film Festival. He drank lemon curd directly from one of our Vitamix containers. That's a true story. He was extremely friendly, in part because he had clearly been imbibing that evening. I asked if I could send him a Vitamix to use and possibly post about on social media. His response was, "You sure can!", only he inserted an extremely bad word in gerund form between "sure" and "can." It was in his Gerard Butler Scottish accent, which made the whole thing even better.

Sting
I wrote about the encounter my nephew Mark and I had with the Sting-ster a few years ago. It was July 1996 and we met him before a concert. I have seen Sting play live 10 times in the past 33 years, but this was the only time I actually got to shake his hand and briefly converse with him. He was a little distracted in that he was about to go out and play a show in front of a big crowd, but he was also used to these little meet-and-greets and was very nice about the whole thing.

Octavia Spencer
Had my picture taken with this wonderful actress a few years ago after she gave a speech in Cleveland. I was one of maybe a hundred people with whom she shared a handshake, a moment of small talk, and a quick photo. And then I moved on. And so, I'm guessing, did she.

Colin Hay
My roster of truly famous people gets really thin really fast, but I enjoyed meeting Mr. Hay, the former lead singer of Men at Work and someone whose solo work I've followed and listened to regularly for three-plus decades. This also happened with Nephew Mark, and it was after a show Colin played at the Winchester in Lakewood, Ohio. Terry always makes fun of the fact that in the photo I took with Colin, he has a sour expression on his face, while in the photo of Colin with Mark, he was smiling broadly. I choose to think he was just overwhelmed meeting his #1 fan (me).

Bob Barker and Meredith Vieira
This was when I was a contestant on The Price Is Right and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, respectively. I will not go into detail here, since Terry will once again accuse me of bringing these experiences up at every possible opportunity. I will only include links to The Price Is Right video here and the Millionaire video here. And that's it. Really, I won't say anything else about this.

Dave Koz
Dave is a big deal in the smooth jazz world. A supremely talented saxophonist. You either know him or, as in most cases, you don't. But I think he led Arsenio Hall's house band for a while. And he used to appear regularly on "General Hospital." And Terry and I have become friends with him, so he counts. He's the only person on this list who definitely does know who I am.

Bernie Kosar
My Cleveland friends certainly know who Bernie is, as do football fans from around the country. He was the face of the Browns' franchise in the 80s and early 90s, and he is a big fan of Vitamix. In fact, if you saw Bernie five years ago and then looked at the photo on the right, you almost wouldn't believe it's the same person. He has really slimmed down and now works to help others understand the value of proper nutrition.

Hockey Players You May or May Not Know
Gordie Howe, Mario Lemieux, and Marty McSorley. This was when I was sports writing. All very nice gentlemen. The first two are famous as two of the greatest hockey players of all time. The third was famous for punching people. Covering hockey taught me that in 95% of cases, the fighters are the nicest guys you'll ever want to me. Off the ice, that is. On the ice, they are likely to cause you permanent facial damage. I met Marty off the ice and he was a delight to talk to.

Other Athletes That, Again, You May Not Know
And again, this was from my sports journalism days. Carlos Baerga, Kenny Lofton, Dennis Eckersley, Johnny Damon, and Warren Sapp are on the list. There were probably others, but we're really starting to scrape the bottom of the barrel now, so let's stop.

The point is, almost none of these people would (or could) ever remember who I am, but I remember all of them. Such is the nature of fame.

How strange is it that I don't like getting a massage?

One of the great aspects of being me is that there aren't many things I don't like. I eat just about anything and will try almost any experience at least once, which means life tends to be pretty enjoyable. I just kind of go with the flow.

But there are some things I just can't get into. For example, I've mentioned here before that I'm not a big fan of walking around without a shirt on. Not sure why, it's just not my thing.

I'm also not much into being touched by non-family members. That sounds weird in so many ways, but what I mean is that, other than my wife and hugs/snuggles with the kids, I'm fine with you, ya know, not touching me.

Which was one of the things that made my "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire" experience so strange. The host, Meredith Vieira, was extremely nice, which is a good thing when you're dealing with nervous people sitting under bright lights answering trivia questions in front of an audience for the chance to win thousands of dollars. But she was also very touchy feely. Every comment was accompanied by a hand on your shoulder or a rubbing of your forearm.

When she asked me (several times) how I was doing, I wanted to say, "Fine, Meredith, fine. I'd be even better, in fact, if you could keep your hands to yourself."

But I didn't. You don't want to risk angering the host when someone is willing to write you a check for five figures.

It's not like it's a phobia for me or anything. I hug people to whom I'm not related all the time and it's fine. I'm just not looking for it to go any further than that.

Which brings us to the subject of getting a massage. My wife loves massages. She gets them from a very skilled friend of ours named Meghan.

Meghan, it turns out, is extremely good at what she does. She's a borderline miracle worker, as far as Terry is concerned.

So, knowing I can always use any sort of stress reliever, Terry very thoughtfully last Christmas got me a gift certificate good for one 1-hour massage from Meghan.

And I gave it right back to Terry and told her to use it.

This is nothing against Meghan, you understand. This is nothing against practitioners of massage therapy in general. They all provide a wonderful service. It's just not a service I'm interested in.

I realize I don't have to be naked to get a massage or anything, but that's not the point. I could be wearing a parka and snow pants and I'm still not interested in having you knead my flesh. Terry can do it to me, that's cool. Just not you. Or anyone else you know.

Is that weird? Am I just a freak about this? Maybe I am. I've had a massage before, years ago, and it felt nice. But I couldn't completely relax at any point during the experience because: (a) stranger, and (b) touching me.

So there you go. If you're looking to buy me something, a massage isn't the way to go. Nor is jellied ox tendon. I ate that when I went to China 10 years ago and didn't like it, either. Just trying to save you and me both some embarrassment.

You're welcome.

My 15 minutes (maybe 20) of TV fame were up long ago

Everyone has something interesting or strange they've done in their life. And I do mean everyone. I've never met a person yet who, if you talk to them long enough, won't surprise you with some quirky hobby, experience or brush with fame they've had.

Mine, as my wife will readily tell you, is that I've appeared as a contestant on two game shows: "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire" and "The Price Is Right." I say that my wife will tell you because she claims I'm so impressed by this fact about myself that I make a point of bringing it up with any new person I meet.

This isn't true, of course. This blog has been humming along for, what, three months? And I don't remember mentioning it once.

Because I readily acknowledge two facts about my game show experience:

(1) The whole thing was a lot of dumb luck on my part, and

(2) The only person who's truly impressed is me. I know this.

Game shows went out of style long ago. When I was growing up, you could turn on the TV almost any time between the hours of, say, 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. and find a game show on somewhere. And that was when we only had four channels! And our TVs weighed 500 pounds and were operated by little handcranks. And we had to ride our horse and buggy into town if we wanted to watch one of those newfangled "cable" TV shows.

Anyway, yes, I realize that game shows are more mocked than respected these days. This process started 20 years ago and reached its nadir with the retirement of Bob Barker. Bob was the last link to the good old days of game shows, and when he left "The Price Is Right," a piece of the past went out with him.

I actually got to meet Bob when I was on "Price." (That's what we veterans call it: "Price." Well, OK, I'm probably the only who calls it that. Just go with it.) I made the decision to fly out to Los Angeles and attempt to get on the show in 2006, soon after Bob announced that that season would be his last. No offense to Drew Carey, but if I was ever going to become a contestant, it had to be with Bob.

I also really liked Meredith Vieira, the host of "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire." I was a contestant there during the first season of the syndicated show, which began in 2002 after ABC had managed to air the original so many times that Americans got sick of Regis Philbin.

Meredith was very touchy feely. She was always reaching over and patting my shoulder or touching my arm. After the show aired, people told me she was flirting with me. I told them to watch other episodes. Meredith flirts with EVERYBODY. Man or woman, doesn't matter to Meredith. Her way of making you feel comfortable in the Hot Seat is to hit on you. I guess it works.

Bob was also very smooth. And tan. Like scary tanned. He was bronzed from head to toe, and given that he lives in Southern California, it was hard to tell how much of it was real and how much was spray-on.

It didn't matter, though, because this was BOB. Right in front of me was Bob Barker. In the flesh. This was the guy I had watched countless times while laying on the couch when I was sick and stayed home from school. The guy who carried that long microphone around and wooed the ladies without even trying. BOB BARKER.

He did have pretty significant crows feet, of course, but give the guy a break. He was 83 years old at the time! And it was clear that, if he had wanted, he could still break me in half. Yet he looked you right in the eye when he spoke and treated you like you were the most important contestant in the history of the show. That's something he learned over 35 years of hosting TPIR, I'm sure, but it's also largely an innate talent.

During the commercial breaks, Bob would take questions from the audience, and he was hilarious. These were probably all questions he had been asked a million times before and his answers were likely rehearsed, but it didn't matter. People howled with laughter. Bob was in control of that studio from the moment he walked in.

Anyway, to answer the questions that 95% of people ask (and that I would certainly ask) when they find out about me and the game show thing:

(1) How did I get on? Like I said, dumb luck. The Millionaire people held tryouts in Cleveland and I think I just happened to fit their "Goofy White Guy" profile quota for the day. And for Price, my pre-show interview happened to be with a producer with whom I could really relate. He and I clicked. If it had been someone else, I doubt I would have been chosen to "come on down."

(2) How did I do? I won $32,000 on Millionaire and $2,500 and four electric guitars on Price. One guy in my Millionaire group of contestants won $250,000. It made my $32K look kind of piddly. On Price, I made it all the way to the Showcase Showdown at the end of the show before losing.

(3) What question did I miss on Millionaire? It was about Mary Cassatt and the kinds of portraits she painted. How come no one ever cares about the 10 questions I got right?

(4) Was the big wheel on "Price Is Right" heavy? Yeah, sort of. But if you're a guy up there spinning it, the last thing you want is to give it a wimpy spin and get booed off the stage, so you try your best to wing it around several times in manly fashion.

(5) Did they take taxes out of your earnings? The Millionaire people did not, while the Price people took California taxes but not federal taxes. The taxes actually weren't that bad, surprisingly.

(6) What did you do with the money? Kept my family alive with a roof over their heads. And I think I bought a hockey jersey, too. I'm quite the big spender.

I'm sometimes asked what my next game show will be, and the answer is "none of the above." I think my short-lived TV career is pretty well over. It's nearly impossible to get onto "Jeopardy" and "Wheel of Fortune." And I have no desire to do something like "Survivor" or "Fear Factor." So I'll just keep the DVD recordings of my appearances along with my memories and leave it at that.

And I'll keep my hockey jersey, too. It really is cool.