Why does coffee make me so happy?

I've been pondering this question for the last few years, ever since I started drinking the wonderful hot elixir derived from the "grano de café." (That's "coffee bean" in Spanish. It seems like coffee beans are almost always grown in Spanish-speaking countries, so I broke out the Español there because it sounded cooler.)

Drinking coffee makes me happy. The actual physical act of ingesting it warms my heart, both literally and figuratively. But why? Why is that? What is it about coffee that I love so much?

I have three theories:

(1) It comforts me

I know the caffeine in coffee is supposed to rev you up and give you energy, but it actually seems to have the opposite effect on me. Coffee makes me feel relaxed and content, much like alcohol does for many people. I drink a cup and I just feel...<insert relaxed sigh here>

(2) It tastes and smells SO DARN GOOD

I've mentioned before that this is the part that baffles me. Ten years ago, the taste of coffee repelled me. Now? Much like wine, I suddenly love it. I can't explain the switch, but I love it. I take mine with two tablespoons of half-and-half. And I never, ever get tired of the scent or the flavor.

(3) It keeps me from eating so much
As chronicled in this blog ad nauseum, I try to eat well and maintain some semblance of a healthy weight. Coffee, relatively low in calories even with the creamer I add to it, keeps me feeling full, and therefore presumably deters cravings I might otherwise indulge with sweets, processed junk and all manner of culinary nastiness.

Oh coffee, you do so much for me. How can I ever repay you? By drinking you, that's how. I will show my appreciation by continuing to drink you in mass quantities.

Oh coffee, my coffee

I spent more than four decades as someone who didn't drink coffee. "No, thank you," I would say whenever someone offered me a cup. "I never touch the stuff."

And it's true, I didn't. I didn't like the taste. I was good with the smell, but the actual coffee drinking experience fell far short of my expectations.

Then suddenly, I liked coffee. It wasn't a gradual thing. Just one day about a year or so ago, I started liking coffee. I can't begin to explain it.

Now it's rare that a day goes by that I don't drink at least a cup, if not two or three. My consumption doesn't go much beyond that, so you can't say I'm a total addict. But yes, I will admit that I have developed some level of dependency on the sweet, caffeine-laced elixir.

I take mine with three creams, no sugar. I always thought that sounded so grown-up: "I take my coffee with two creams, two sugars." Or "I drink it black" or whatever. Now I have my own coffee preference, and at the age of 42 I'm starting to feel like an adult.

Of course, it's a lot more hip to like coffee now than it was, say, when I was in high school. Coffee was an old person's drink. Now my wife makes it for my two high school-aged daughters almost every morning. What they drink is what I would classify as "frou frou coffee." There's a lot of sugar and flavoring and maybe a splash of coffee. More like a "coffee drink," I suppose.

I'm probably in the minority of coffee-drinkers who drink it more for the taste than for the pick-me-up. The reason, simply, is that caffeine doesn't have much effect on me. Really. If I'm tired in the morning, I can drink a cup of coffee and still feel tired afterward. I can drink coffee at 10 p.m. and be asleep an hour later.

It's kind of disappointing, actually. There are days when I would LOVE to get the coffee buzz, but my system doesn't respond in that way. Well, maybe to Starbucks coffee. Starbucks coffee has ridiculous levels of caffeine. Like you almost can't believe it's legal. There have been times when I've had a grande coffee from Starbucks and found myself a little hyper for the next 30 minutes or so, but that's about the extent of it.

As a relatively new coffee drinker, there are things about the art of coffee that still elude me. For example, why is the coffee I get in a restaurant always, always, always better than the stuff we make at work? And especially better than the coffee that comes out of our coffee-maker at home? Do they use better coffee? Better equipment? Distilled water? The blood of a goat? What's the differentiator here?

And when I get old, am I going to be one of those McDonald's Coffee Guys? You know the guys I'm talking about. They're the groups of old men who frequent McDonald's restaurants at about 9 o'clock every morning and sit there for hours drinking coffee while they argue, complain, and just generally have a good old time. Will that be me in 30 years? Is there some sort of law mandating that men of a certain age report to McDonald's every weekday morning at the same time? I guess I'll find out.

In the meantime, I love me some coffee. Oh yes, I do love me some coffee.