I got married 20 days after graduating from college.
I was 22 years old at the time, and Terry and I had been engaged for nearly four years. We had been a couple for more than six years, having gotten together when we were both 16.
That's how it worked out for me. I married my high school sweetheart. Doesn't happen all that often these days, but it did for me. And 23 years later, we're still going strong, thanks be to God.
So given that experience, should one of my kids come to me today and say they want to get married, would I be OK with it?
Ugh, I don't know. Just because it worked out for me doesn't mean it's something that everyone should do. And nowadays, it's not something most people even want to do. Last year, the average age for Americans getting married was 27 for women and 29 for men, an all-time high (and I'm surprised the averages were that low).
On the other hand, just because you're young doesn't mean it's impossible for you to meet the person you're destined to be with the rest of your life. It does happen. It's not out of the question. It's not even uncommon. It's just that it's unlikely the person you're dating at 18 is the person you'll still be with at 68.
My oldest daughter, Elissa, who is 21, has been with her boyfriend Mark for a year or two now (I honestly don't know exactly how long it has been...I have trouble keeping track of my car keys, let alone the lengths of my children's relationships). I like Mark a lot. He's a good guy, and he treats my baby well. Can't ask for much more than that.
If it should come to pass in another year or so, after they're both out of college and presumably have stable jobs, that they should inform of us of their intent to marry, I would probably be fine with the concept. I would make sure they fully understand what they're getting into and how people change inevitably over time, but ultimately I would probably give my blessing or whatever.
Because that's the thing, people do change, right? No one is the same person at 40 they were at 20. Your essential characteristics may still pretty much be the same, but the way you see the world and the way you react to it will inevitably shift over time.
The question in a marriage is whether the two parties will change in roughly the same direction. You might get along great and agree on almost everything when you're fresh out of school. But will that still be the case when you're getting ready to collect Social Security? It's a hard thing to predict, but it's still something important to think about before you tie the knot.
Now if 9-year-old Jack told me he was going to get married, well...I'd tell him at least to wait until he's 22. That's what smart people like his mom and dad do.
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