Someone in your house needs to be the Chief Technology Officer

This would have been our dream machine in, like, 1987.

There was a time back in the late 90s and early 2000s when I would purchase a new Dell desktop computer for our family once every three years.

This was a very big deal because (a) it was an expensive purchase, and (b) even then, the computer was a focal point of our household. The kids were little and played lots and lots of CD-ROM games, Terry did our finances on the computer (and of course still does), and I used it for just about everything.

When the computer would arrive in a couple of big boxes--CPU in one, large monitor in another--it was my job to unpack it, connect everything properly, and get it up and running for general usage.

I was and remain, almost by default, the person who determines what sort of computer equipment we buy. Most families have someone who fills this role. They may or may not be more technically inclined than others in the house, but they purposefully keep up with the latest developments in home computing and/or always know exactly which items are on sale at Best Buy.

As the Chief Technology Officer at 30025 Miller Avenue, my primary responsibilities are:

• Tech support. I fix problems as they arise with the computer and/or printer.
• Procurement. If the need for new hardware becomes acute, I do the appropriate research and make a recommendation to Terry, who as Chief Financial Officer has final say on all major purchases.
• Setting the vision. What will our home technology set-up look like in, say, 5 years? It's my job to figure that out and formulate a plan to get us there.

Right now we still regularly use a desktop that was expertly put together for us by our friend Darryl Panchyson, but in time I would rather each person have a powerful, easy-to-use laptop connected to a home cloud network on which we store our files.

We do each have our individual laptops right now, but some of them are better than others, and in my case, when I do have a laptop it's work-issued.

The point is, we have a goal. It's that, plus figuring out why our Epson printer prints so poorly despite my best attempts to clean the heads. That one remains a mystery.

I am not a beard or mustache guy

 

There are three very good reasons why you will never see me with a real beard or mustache:

1. See that picture above? That's me in 2014 when our family went to Disney World and I didn't shave for 10 days. You will notice that the wisp of a mustache there does not connect with the beard area. And as far as I can tell, it never would, no matter how long I let it grow. That's a big facial hair defect right there.
2. Speaking of facial hair in general, my wife doesn't like it. So I'm incentivized not to grow it.
3. I'm not sure I could do it anyway. What you see in the photo isn't really a lot of growth for 10 days, and I have no reason to believe it would ever really fill in. Maybe it would? I don't know, because I've never gone that long without shaving since I started shaving in the late 80s.

My son Jared has a nice full beard. He did not inherit my limited-growth gene, which is good. He wears a beard well.

I, on the other hand, look homeless.

For what it's worth, though, if I COULD grow a beard, I would look OK. I base that on this photo created some years ago by my friend Darryl Panchyson, in which my face replaces that of Luke Skywalker. Judge for yourself.