I am not a beard or mustache guy

 

There are three very good reasons why you will never see me with a real beard or mustache:

1. See that picture above? That's me in 2014 when our family went to Disney World and I didn't shave for 10 days. You will notice that the wisp of a mustache there does not connect with the beard area. And as far as I can tell, it never would, no matter how long I let it grow. That's a big facial hair defect right there.
2. Speaking of facial hair in general, my wife doesn't like it. So I'm incentivized not to grow it.
3. I'm not sure I could do it anyway. What you see in the photo isn't really a lot of growth for 10 days, and I have no reason to believe it would ever really fill in. Maybe it would? I don't know, because I've never gone that long without shaving since I started shaving in the late 80s.

My son Jared has a nice full beard. He did not inherit my limited-growth gene, which is good. He wears a beard well.

I, on the other hand, look homeless.

For what it's worth, though, if I COULD grow a beard, I would look OK. I base that on this photo created some years ago by my friend Darryl Panchyson, in which my face replaces that of Luke Skywalker. Judge for yourself.