You could argue that the simple act of marrying me makes Terry a great sport, but it has always been more than that.
Like, on our honeymoon in 1992, she spent a day with me at the Kennedy Space Center. I was fascinated, but I know she was bored out of her mind. What can I say? She loves me.
Speaking of our honeymoon, she also agreed to participate in the video from which the screen shot at the top of today's post was taken. And she did it in defiance of her own good judgment.
To explain: We had spent a day at Universal Studios, and as we were getting ready to leave, we came across a "Screen Test Home Video Adventure" exhibit where you could insert yourself into a scene from "Star Trek." Terry did not want to do this, but I really did, and eventually I convinced my new (and reluctant) wife to come in and act with me.
That is, if you want to call what we did "acting." We are not Shakespearean dramatists, as you will quickly see, but it really was a lot of fun. At least it was for me, as I didn't have to wear the pointy Vulcan ears Terry did.
The video (which, again, is linked above) is the real point of today's post, as is the fact that I have the greatest wife in the world.
It all has to do with our company's 100th anniversary, and the reasons for it are explained in that linked post above.
As you might imagine, with less than 11 weeks to go before I begin this journey, I am walking a significant number of training miles. Usually 40+ miles a week, which includes what are now double-digit-mile Saturday/Sunday long walks.
When you're going to be logging 15-20 miles a day for 14 consecutive days, your body and brain need time to adjust. A 250-mile walk is no joke.
I am pushing myself through this training schedule in a way I have not pushed myself since I ran my one and only full-length, 26.2-mile marathon back in 2001. Some days my body is up for the challenge, other days not so much.
But I still walk through the not-so-much days because I have decided I cannot fail. I will not fail.
It quickly becomes a battle between me and my body. And it's very much like an episode of Star Trek.
ME (Capt. Kirk): Legs, the pace is slowing. Give me more.
MY LEGS (Engineer Montgomery "Scotty" Scott): WE CAHN'T GIVE ANYMUHR, CAPTUHN! THERE'S NUTHIN' LEFT!
ME: You will increase the pace. NOW.
MY LEGS: YOU DUN'T UNNERSTAN', CAPTUHN. WE'RE GIVIN' YA ALL THEY'VE GOT!
ME: So help me, if you don't start walking faster this minute, I will take off these lycras and let you freeze in the icy 30-degree Northeast Ohio morning.
MY LEGS: BUT THEN YUH'LL BE NAKED, CAPTUHN!
ME: Then maybe you'll learn your lesson! I am James Tiberius Kirk, king of the suburban streets! You will listen to me and you will listen good! Kirk out...
With that crisis solved, I suddenly hear from my eyes, the Lieutenant Uhura of my body whose job it is to communicate potential crises.
MY EYES: Captain, I detect steep hills ahead. Given that we just did a tough hill workout yesterday and the legs are reporting trouble, perhaps we should change our route.
ME: Another mutinous crew member! I will not wuss out. Keep your little warnings to yourself, Lieutenant.
MY EYES: Fine...jerk.
ME: What did you say?
MY EYES: Nothing, Captain.
ME: That's right you didn't.
As I hobble into the driveway and enter my home, this is when the Mr. Spock of my life, my wife Terry, enters the picture. I report to her proudly that I have completed today's long walk, though I may be experiencing intense leg fatigue, which is really nothing.
By the way, this seems like a good time to show you a video. One of the places Terry and I visited on our honeymoon back in 1992 was Universal Studios in Orlando. While there, I coaxed her into recording a simulated "screen test" in which I played Captain Kirk and she played Mr. Spock, and we were digitally inserted into scenes with many of the original Star Trek characters (or at least as well "digitally inserted" as theme park technology could support back then).
Terry not only had to act, she also had to wear pointy Vulcan ears. It was one of the top 5 greatest moments of my life. Take a look:
Wasn't that great? I will admit my portrayal of Kirk will not win me any awards, but really, I feel like Terry as the Vulcan was the real star anyway.
Terry hears my tale of woe and responds in true wet blanket, Mr. Spock fashion.
TERRY: Maybe you should take a day off.
ME: I will hear no talk of days off! Do you know who I am? I say when it's time to take a day off, and no one else. Now excuse me while I go smother my legs in Ben Gay
And so on. This all happens constantly, and I'm happy to say that, so far, I am injury-free and pushing ahead.
It could all still end badly, of course, but I will continue going where no middle-aged dad has gone before (except for the ones who have).
I realize how unimportant this is to you, but I'm thrilled about it. I end up being the one who loads the dishwasher most nights, so this is one appliance that matters to me.
The old dishwasher cost something like $400. It lasted four years. The new dishwasher was about $1,000. Can I assume it's going to last 2-1/2 times longer? Probably not. But I'll tell you what, it had better hold up longer than four years.
We bought the dishwasher at B&B Appliance, one of those family-owned stores that has been in business since the Stone Age. Seriously, I'll bet these people were selling hand-crank washing machines and wooden TVs in the Oklahoma Territory 150 years ago. They may not always have the best price, but their service is excellent and they stand behind their products.
I know this mostly because my father-in-law Tom shops there. Tom is not a guy who just rushes into things like buying thousand-dollar dishwashers. He has many years of experience in buying (and fixing) appliances. So if he says B&B is good, I'm with him.
The guy who sold us the dishwasher is named Flint Parker. Really, that's his name: Flint Parker. Isn't that great? If I'm being honest, I'll admit that part of the reason Flint was able to close the deal with us was because of his name. Plus, he looks like Morgan Freeman, and I like Morgan Freeman.
Another reason we bought this particular dishwasher is because it's a KitchenAid. Some years ago I bought my wife a KitchenAid mixer. The thing not only weighs 5 tons, I think it could mix concrete. Terry only uses it to make cakes and stuff, though, so I can't confirm the concrete thing. But it's definitely heavy duty and will last for decades. I'm hoping the same is true for the dishwasher.
Yet another reason we bought it is because it has four spray arms across the bottom. Most dishwashers (including our old one) have only two. Flint walked around the store opening up various dishwashers and showing us that, unlike the KitchenAid, every one had only two and occasionally three spray arms.
I asked why four spray arms is better than two, and Flint looked at me like I was slow. I guess I understand, but if four spray arms are so revolutionary, why don't other manufacturers make their dishwashers that way? I didn't ask Flint because I was afraid he wouldn't like me. And I'm not sure I could handle having Morgan Freeman not like me.
Flint said he has been working at B&B for 26 years and selling appliances for 50. That means he's at least in his late 60s, but he didn't seem that old to me. He was wearing a button-up sweater vest and he looked good in it. Not many people look good in a button-up sweater vest, let me tell you. I guess it takes someone with the confidence of a veteran appliance salesman to really pull off that look.
Anyway, we went ahead and bought the dishwasher, which now that I think about it didn't really cost a thousand bucks. The total was a thousand with delivery and installation, and I was happy to pay extra to have the thing brought to my house and hooked up. I suppose I could manage the job myself after much reading of the instruction manual and the requisite weeping and gnashing of teeth. But really, it was worth the extra cash to come home and see it correctly installed and ready to use.
It's really quiet. And it has buttons on top of the door instead of on the outside. It feels very space age to me, like the sort of dishwasher you would see on Star Trek. If I had the money, I would equip our house with nothing but Star Trek appliances. That's a very tempting thing to do, especially when you walk into a store with all of the latest models.
And believe me, B&B had all of the latest models. Washing machines, dryers, TVs, ovens, refrigerators. They were all there, and they were all insanely expensive. They had a model kitchen that Terry very much wanted. I did some quick math in my head and calculated that all of the appliances together in the model kitchen would set you back about 25 grand. That's some serious cash...cash we didn't have.
So for now we'll content ourselves with the new dishwasher. And with the fact that we now have a friend named Flint Parker. He was nice enough to give us his email address. I think I'm going to email him and let him know how quiet his four-armed Kitchen-Aid dishwasher is.
