(1) Children's fingernail and toenail maintenance
Actually we're almost past this stage, as the older ones handle their own nails and Jack is only a few years away from taking over for himself. But ever since they were babies, Terry was always the one who trimmed their nails. I could have, of course, but it would never EVER occur to me to do it. They would have seven-inch-long fingernails before the very thought even entered my brain that somebody -- I don't know who, but somebody -- should do something about that kid's nails.
(2) Directing the set-up of holiday decorationsActually we're almost past this stage, as the older ones handle their own nails and Jack is only a few years away from taking over for himself. But ever since they were babies, Terry was always the one who trimmed their nails. I could have, of course, but it would never EVER occur to me to do it. They would have seven-inch-long fingernails before the very thought even entered my brain that somebody -- I don't know who, but somebody -- should do something about that kid's nails.
As I mentioned recently on Facebook, my job here is merely to cart things up from the basement and generally supervise the manual labor portion. After that, I'm pretty much optional. I couldn't even tell you everything that's inside those boxes. "We have a turkey flag for Thanksgiving? That's so cool! When did we get it? Oh, 1996? OK, I should have known that."
(3) The girls' hair
Again, this is almost a moot point now, given their age, but if Terry had been hit by a bus, say, 10 years ago, there would have been trouble. She taught me once how to do a ponytail, and I did manage to craft a decent one for Elissa when she was 4 and I took her to Niagara Falls. But for the most part, I'm mystified by braids, pigtails, scrunchies and the like.
(4) Having babies
OK, I know I couldn't do this anyway, but I need to point out how well Terry does it. I've watched her push out five kids -- well, technically she pushed out four and the last one was cut out of her -- and in all that time I think I heard her grunt once. Barely a peep from her. Just amazing, especially when you consider the physics of what's going on. I would manage to get the kid out, but with a lot more complaining than Terry ever did.
(5) Folding stuff
If Terry were gone (it's getting really morbid the way I keep talking about it, isn't it?), the laundry would get done, believe me. But it might not be pretty. I try and try to fold things as well as she does with no success. You can instantly tell the difference between a shirt folded by me and one folded by her. She does it using what is commonly referred to as the "right" way, while I tend to lean toward doing it the "wrong" way.
CONCLUSION: I need to die first, no question about it.
