10 Reasons I Enjoy Having Daughters

My wife and I have three girls and two boys. I love 'em all, but this is what I like specifically about having daughters:

(1) The house always smell nice: Girls use all kinds of nice-smelling lotions, perfumes and shampoos, and the residual fragrance makes our house smell better. It's a nice perk, actually.

(2) If there's a delicate subject to be broached with them, it automatically falls to my wife: Not that I can't talk to my girls about anything, but really, when the subject is the three-letter word that starts with "S" and ends with "EX," or is anything to do with feminine hygiene, those are things best handled by Terry. And this is fine by me.

(3) They talk: And in some cases, they talk and talk and talk and talk, ad infinitum. But my point is, they communicate. My son Jared is a good kid, but his preferred method of communication is the Universal Grunt System. The girls use actual words, which as a marketing/PR professional I prefer.

(4) I have an excuse to watch girly shows: I kind of like "Dancing With the Stars." And "Pretty Little Liars." And just about any other show that's geared toward women (which is to say, 85% of television content these days). When someone calls me on it, I can just say, "Eh, Terry and the girls had control of the TV so I had to watch it."

(5) I can do a ponytail and operate a barrette: Well, sort of. I'm no expert, but my work in this area is passable. These are skills I obviously wouldn't have picked up had we had five sons.

(6) I get the opportunity to coach girls sports: That sounds kind of creepy on the surface, but what I mean is that I like coaching girls. They tend to be a little more compliant and coachable than boys, especially at older ages. Give me a team of 12-year-old female soccer players over their male counterparts any day (though if Jack keeps playing, I'll probably have a boys team to coach in just a couple of years).

(7) They like to cook and bake: I realize a lot of boys enjoy this, too (Jack being one of them). But generally speaking, girls get into this more than boys. The result is a variety of excellent desserts and other concoctions that I get to sample.

(8) Easier diaper changing: At least for me. My experience is that it's easier to clean and change a baby girl than it is a baby boy. And that's all I'll say about that.

(9) I learn new things all the time: Boy stuff I already know. I've been experiencing boy stuff for 42 years. But there's always something new to learn about girls. They surprise and fascinate me all the time.

(10) They really are Daddy's Little Girls: My wife has always said that our girls have me wrapped around their little fingers. She is, as is so often the case, exactly right. Maybe this is a bad thing, but I do enjoy spoiling my daughters when I get the chance.

COMING TOMORROW: 10 Reasons I Enjoy Having Sons

Five Things I Could Probably Handle If Something Ever Happened To My Wife, But Not Nearly As Well As She Does

(1) Children's fingernail and toenail maintenance
Actually we're almost past this stage, as the older ones handle their own nails and Jack is only a few years away from taking over for himself. But ever since they were babies, Terry was always the one who trimmed their nails. I could have, of course, but it would never EVER occur to me to do it. They would have seven-inch-long fingernails before the very thought even entered my brain that somebody -- I don't know who, but somebody -- should do something about that kid's nails.

(2) Directing the set-up of holiday decorations
As I mentioned recently on Facebook, my job here is merely to cart things up from the basement and generally supervise the manual labor portion. After that, I'm pretty much optional. I couldn't even tell you everything that's inside those boxes. "We have a turkey flag for Thanksgiving? That's so cool! When did we get it? Oh, 1996? OK, I should have known that."

(3) The girls' hair
Again, this is almost a moot point now, given their age, but if Terry had been hit by a bus, say, 10 years ago, there would have been trouble. She taught me once how to do a ponytail, and I did manage to craft a decent one for Elissa when she was 4 and I took her to Niagara Falls. But for the most part, I'm mystified by braids, pigtails, scrunchies and the like.

(4) Having babies
OK, I know I couldn't do this anyway, but I need to point out how well Terry does it. I've watched her push out five kids -- well, technically she pushed out four and the last one was cut out of her -- and in all that time I think I heard her grunt once. Barely a peep from her. Just amazing, especially when you consider the physics of what's going on. I would manage to get the kid out, but with a lot more complaining than Terry ever did.

(5) Folding stuff
If Terry were gone (it's getting really morbid the way I keep talking about it, isn't it?), the laundry would get done, believe me. But it might not be pretty. I try and try to fold things as well as she does with no success. You can instantly tell the difference between a shirt folded by me and one folded by her. She does it using what is commonly referred to as the "right" way, while I tend to lean toward doing it the "wrong" way.

CONCLUSION: I need to die first, no question about it.