Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Five more reasons why my wife can't ever die

(1) If she goes and I'm suddenly in charge of the cooking, we would essentially have the same four meals over and over and over. Eventually the kids would rebel and throw me out of the house. That would be unpleasant.

(2) She paints well. And while I know she doesn't exactly love painting walls and stuff, she definitely hates it far less than I do. So I need her around to paint things.

(3) She's the only one willing to pull out all the honeysuckle that grows along our driveway. Without her, it would eventually overrun everything, including the inside of our house.

(4) If you leave the grocery shopping to me, I would only think to buy things I want. I would get home and realize the children had nothing to eat at all, and rather than going back to the store, I would just give each of them $50 in grocery money and let them fend for themselves. Which would of course mean a house full of mac and cheese, Krave cereal, and popsicles. Fun, but not especially healthy.

(5) She's the only one with the ability to clean out the little holes on the dishwasher spray arms when they get clogged. If she's gone and the dishwasher stops working, that would be it. We would just start cramming old socks in there or something, because I can guarantee you there would never be another dish washed in it again.

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