Wednesday, July 3, 2024

10 older-person things I never thought I would do, yet here I am doing them


It's just a Snapchat filter, but this may as well be how I look these days.

  1. Paying close attention to the identity of birds that land on our back deck

  2. Finding myself suddenly and randomly thinking about insurance coverage

  3. Making a little noise every time I rise from a seated position (Note: A noise from my mouth, I mean, not from...other places on my body.)

  4. Watering my grass every day (Another note: I only water the two spots in the backyard where we planted grass seed this spring. Give me another 10 years and I'll likely be doing the whole lawn.)

  5. Making a full and protracted stop at a stop sign as an act of defiance to the guy who is tailgating me even though I should be the bigger person and ignore him BUT IT'S 25MPH ON THESE STREETS, SIR, NOT 40 AND YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN

  6. Related to that, saying (loudly, even when I'm the only one in the car) "Nice stop!" to someone who rolls through a stop sign. On occasion, I've also been known to throw in a "Nice turn signal!" to anyone who fails to use theirs.

  7. Being unable to keep myself from saying things like, "Yes, but at least back in my day, popular music had MELODY and INTELLIGIBLE LYRICS."

  8. Getting visibly angry at the weeds growing through the cracks in our driveway

  9. Earnestly wondering whether I should take up the bassoon (this thought has occurred to me way more often than I care to admit)

  10. Telling the same stories and jokes to the same people over and over, having reached the bottom of what I had assumed was an endless well of charming anecdotes in my brain


  1. Start telling your jokes to the weeds in the driveway, while you're watering your lawn.

    1. I like the idea of being a more efficient cranky old man.

    2. OMG, hahaha the "full and protracted stop". And when that person follows you onto the freeway and passes you, you're looking out the sides of your eyes "You okay?" ike a shark, ,

    3. Ok, that made me laugh!