Ten random thoughts on a Wednesday

(1) A while back, I made mention of my fascination with the Duggar family of "19 Kids and Counting" fame. Or is it 20? I don't know. Anyway, the point is, there's a new kid on the huge family TV block: The Bates. Their show, which is on TLC just like the Duggars, is called "The Bates Family: Baby Makes 19." I caught part of an episode recently and actually liked it (and them). But do they meet the basic criteria for reality TV families with lots of kids? Well, let's see: Are they white? Check. Do they live in the South? Check. Are they very religious? Check. Do they give their kids names that all begin with the same letter? BUZZ! Ohhhhh no, I'm sorry. Your family is very Duggar-like, but Jim Bob and Michelle still reign over this particular corner of the TV universe.

(2) On the subject of lunch meat: Am I the only person in the universe who likes Dutch loaf? It seems like I am. And if I am, why do they still make it? I appreciate the effort, but we hardly ever buy it, so really fellas, maybe you should concentrate on some other processed, food-like item. I'm not worth the effort.

(3) I would give almost anything right now to see an episode of the old "Hollywood Squares." I'm talking 70s-era "Hollywood Squares" hosted by Peter Marshall with Paul Lynde in the center square. That was good TV.

(4) I can't believe our telephones used to have cords. Remember that? You would answer the phone in the kitchen and you actually had to carry on your conversation in the kitchen because the cord would only go so far. If you had one of those fancy extended cords, you might be able to make it into the living room, but that was about it. Cordless phones are one of the most underrated inventions of the last half century.

(5) This is true: When I was little – like 5 or 6 years old – I learned all of the U.S. presidents in order. We had the 1964 edition of the World Book Encyclopedia, and I read the article on "Presidents" so many times that the pages eventually became ripped and dog-eared. My dad thought this was hilarious and would have me recite the presidents to anyone who cared to listen. What a freak I was. Anyway, I must have displayed this talent in school at some point, because one time Mrs. Potts put up a timeline of presidents on her classroom wall, and she invited me to come in and look at it. She wasn't even my teacher. I had no idea what my reaction was supposed to be. So I stared at it for awhile, said something to the effect that I liked it, then returned to my own 2nd-grade class. What exactly were they expecting from me? This is still baffling.

(6) I've been going around telling people that my 13-year-old son Jared is 6 feet tall. It turns out I'm a liar. Jared recently contracted strep throat and had to see the doctor, and they officially measured him at 5 feet, 11 3/4 inches. This makes me feel infinitely better about my 5-foot, 9 3/4-inch self.

(7) Speaking of my strange body, I know I've whined to you before about my freakishly small hands, but now it's getting out of control. My 11-year-old daughter Melanie's fingers are longer than mine. I'm a 42-year-old man, for Pete's sake. What is wrong with me?

(8) Rush is one of those bands I'm supposed to like, as a rock/pop music fan, but I just don't. I feel bad about this, but there's nothing I can do about it.

(9) About a month ago, I came out of my office and was walking to my car when I was approached by a young man in a wheelchair. He asked me for some spare change. I told him I didn't have any, which was 100% true. I usually don't carry cash (though I should). He said that's OK and shook my hand. But instead of releasing my hand, he then put it up to his lips and kissed it. Really. I'm generally not a germaphobe, but believe me when I tell you that I advanced directly to the nearest bottle of Purell with all due haste.

(10) I have never – really, never – met a girl named Vicky whom I didn't like. Same thing with guys named Dave.

We're only 14 kids behind

I was sad when I heard that Michelle Duggar, the mom from that show "19 Kids and Counting," miscarried child #20 a couple of weeks ago. Losing a baby is not something Terry and I have experienced, but I imagine it's a source of sorrow and pain that doesn't go away very easily.

Say what you will about the Duggars (and people say a lot about them), but they do live by their principles, don't they? They've decided to let God determine the number of children they should have. And so far, He has determined they should have nine girls and 10 boys.

Like almost everything in this country nowadays, the very existence of these kids is polarizing. Most of the people I run across are horrified by the Duggars, even angered. They'll tell you it's selfish to have that many children, and that they can't possibly give each one the individual attention he/she deserves.

Jim Bob and Michelle probably hear that a lot, and it can seem even worse when you learn that they have instituted a "buddy system" whereby an older child in the family is responsible for caring for a younger child. It's efficient, yes, but it almost makes Michelle seem like more of a CEO than a mom, though I'm sure she is plenty involved in the day-to-day operations of Duggar Offspring, Inc.

I don't know that I have an opinion one way or another. I have enough to worry about with my own brood, which is only a quarter the size of the Duggars'. Like any set of parents, Terry and I make sacrifices to ensure our kids get the things they need, including time and attention. As I've often said, having five kids like we do is pretty uncommon these days, but it wouldn't have been all that remarkable in the time and place where I grew up.

Still, we personally know plenty of larger families. Blog reader Patti Marn and her husband Don have six kids, as did at least one former Wickliffe family I can think of (the O'Neills). Terry's cousin Brian and his wife Laura have 10 children -- six biological and four adopted from Africa. But for the most part, big families aren't the norm in 21st-century America.

One of the reasons I'm glad we're out of the baby game is that I honestly wouldn't know what to name another child. The Duggars opted to give all of their kids J-initialed names (in order: Josh, Jana, John-David, Jill, Jessa, Jinger, Joseph, Josiah, Joy-Anna, Jedidiah, Jeremiah, Jason, James, Justin, Jackson, Johannah, Jennifer, Jordyn-Grace, and Josie).

Two of my favorite things about that list:

(1) True story -- When I first saw the name "Jinger," I pronounced it with a hard "g," like "finger." Terry very gently pointed out that it's probably pronounced the same as "Ginger," just spelled with a "J." Oh.

(2) As many of my friends and family have heard me say, I absolutely love the fact that it wasn't until kid #17 (and girl #7) that they went with "Jennifer." Really? One of the most common female "J" names, and it took you 17 kids to get around to it? You thought of Jessa, Jinger and Joy-Anna ahead of Jennifer? OK, fine, but according to the White Person's Guide to Naming Babies, "Jennifer" trumps all of those names and should have come first. Just saying.

In the end, as far as I'm concerned, the Duggars can have 30 kids if the spirit moves them. Jim Bob is a successful real estate developer who can apparently afford to support a whole football team, if it comes to that. But given the course of Michelle's last two pregnancies (a miscarriage and an emergency C-section), they might want to consider the possibility that God -- as well as Michelle's uterus -- may be telling them it's time to quit. Again, just saying.