I know the reading glasses are coming, but so far I've managed to hold them off

 

A couple of weeks ago, a reader asked if I could please increase the font size of the posts on this blog, as the default size was relatively small and could be difficult to read.

It took a few minutes to figure it out, but I managed to bump up the point size of all posts on the blog permanently (or at least, as of this writing, I think I did).

He/she asked for this change "for visually impaired older folks," and gently reminded me that I would at some point be joining their ranks.

Which is undoubtedly correct. Just not yet.

More than once here I've wondered when I'm going to need to start wearing reading glasses. It's of course not a matter of "if" but "when."

Still, right now, at the ripe old age of 51 1/2, the cheaters are not yet a part of my life.

I can still read books and newspapers without the benefit of visual augmentation, and I can do it without having to hold them way out at arm's length.

The reason, my eye doctor tells me, is because I had LASIK surgery 20 years ago, and that actually bought me some time when it comes to seeing things that are close by. I had the procedure done to enhance my distance vision, so this added bonus on the other end of the spectrum two decades later has been nice.

But it will go away, and likely very soon.

My wife has needed reading glasses for a number of years, as have many of the people with whom I graduated from high school. It happens. You buy yourself a bunch of cheap pairs from CVS and you keep them in spaces where you're likely to need them (your living room, your kitchen, your car, your bedroom, etc.), and you're fine.

I'll get there. But in the meantime, you'll excuse me while I go read something written in 8-point type and mock my peers who cannot achieve this feat of superhuman visual acuity.

10 ways I'm different now than I was 20 years ago

(1) I love coffee and wine. I used to hate coffee and wine. Especially wine. Now I regularly consume both. There is no logical explanation for this.

(2) I lost hair on top of my head. Most days I forget this is the case, because I don't regularly look at the top of my own head. Then I'll see a picture of myself from the back and realize, "Oh yeah. That."

(3) I'm more careful about using the brakes on my car so they last longer. A few $600+ brake jobs will do that to you.

(4) I no longer sincerely believe the Cleveland Browns or Cleveland Indians will win a championship during my lifetime. I used to hold on to this belief because I couldn't stand the alternative. Now I'm more honest with myself.

(5) I don't talk as fast. Or at least I don't think I do. I used to talk fast all the time. Maybe my brain is slowing down. Or maybe I'm just generally a lot calmer.

(6) I listen to a lot of classical music. Much like coffee and wine, I was never a fan until a few years ago. Who knows why?

(7) I not only don't need to have a lot of money, I don't WANT a lot of money. I've seen the problems money causes. No thank you. (Nor am I looking to be poor, either, mind you. Just comfortable. How about that?)

(8) Twenty years ago my worldview was limited to North America, as I had only visited various parts of the U.S. and Eastern Canada at that point (well, I guess I also spent a few hours in Mexico when I was 8). Since then I have visited Germany, France, the UK and China. It's amazing what spending time in foreign countries will do to your perspective.

(9) I don't wear glasses anymore. Nor do I wear contacts. God bless you, Guy Who Invented LASIK Surgery.

(10) The number of children in my house has exploded by 400%. This is more of a wonderful thing than I can even begin to describe to you.

I'm going to need reading glasses soon, right?

There are many signs that I have aged over the last 10 to 20 years, including (but not limited to) a distinct lack of hair at the top of my head, a few varicose veins on my legs, and a general crankiness that I can only assume will get worse as time goes on.

But somehow, inexplicably to me, I have reached the age of 45 and have no trouble reading small print.

Many others my age – and my lovely wife is a member of this group – wear reading glasses and/or have to hold documents with tiny type at arm's length in order to have any shot at reading them.

Not me, though. At least not yet. I know it's coming, but for now I can still read even the hardest-to-decipher sections of the newspaper without the aid of optical enhancement.

(NOTE: That I still read a newspaper is, in fact, another sign that I'm not as young as I used to be.)

I had Lasik surgery 14 years ago this week, but as I understand it, it only affected my near-sightedness. The doc even told me that the procedure, which by the way has been everything it was cracked up to be and more, would not obviate the need for reading glasses.

(ANOTHER NOTE: I like the word "obviate." I could have gone with an easier word there, but I chose "obviate" because I'm just that kind of etymological rebel.)

So I'm waiting. The first time I have to break down and buy a pair of reading glasses, I will do it with some pride, knowing I held out as long as I possibly could. But until then, my youthful eyes and I will continue on our merry, unaugmented way.

It will come in handy when I have to read the small print on the contract I sign before I undergo laser surgery for these varicose veins.