Before I knew it, I was a gum chewer

At some point in the last 10 years, I started chewing gum.

Not all the time, mind you. And mostly only in the car.

But by any definition, I am a frequent consumer of chewing gum.

My brand of choice is Wrigley's 5 Gum Peppermint Cobalt Sugar-Free. The mint is intense (which I love), the flavor lasts a long time (which I really love), and it comes in packs of 15, so it keeps me supplied longer than those old 5-stick packs my mom used to carry in her purse.

The only problem with this habit is that my car perpetually smells faintly like a peppermint oil factory. Most of those who ride with me don't care, but my wife does.

Terry does not particularly like mint. And she certainly does not like the smell of mint in the closed confines of a car.

She refers to my Honda Civic as "the Mint Mobile."

The only thing I can do is try not to chew any gum in the car if I know she's going to occupy the passenger seat in the near future. Even then, I don't know that the fragrance ever really goes away.

The other pitfall of being a gum chewer is becoming an obnoxious gum chewer. Someone who chews loudly and proudly. Someone who chomps their way through every conversation. Someone who must have a stick of gum in their mouth at all times.

I try desperately to avoid being that guy.

I figure, worst comes to worst, I will one day blow up like a blueberry à la Violet Beauregarde in the original "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" as punishment for my gum-related sins. Only instead of dejuicing me, the Oompa Loompas will allow me to explode in a mess of blueberry debris and sticky peppermint gum residue.

As far as my longsuffering wife is concerned, it will be a fair punishment.

The top 5 things I do on my 42-minute morning commute

(1) Listen to audiobooks
I recently finished "A Short History of World War I" and "A Short History of World War II," which are a combined 27 CDs long. They make me wonder how exactly Professor James L. Stokesbury, the author, defined "short." Clearly it has never bothered me, though, as by my estimate it was (and this is no exaggeration) somewhere between the 25th and 30th time I've listened through these books in their entirety since I first started getting them out of the library in the mid-90s. Back then I would get them on cassette, so that gives you an idea of how ancient my tie to these works is.

(2) Chew gum
Wrigley's Peppermint Cobalt 5. I go through 2-3 sticks a day, which as bad habits go is probably pretty low on the scale of badness.

(3) Dodge the insane drivers of Interstate 271 and Ohio Route 8.
We have covered this before. The good thing is that I now know exactly how I'll die. I will inevitably be rear-ended by someone who feels I should be doing 85 MPH in the far right lane. It's just a matter of when.

(4) Think about my meeting schedule for the day
I am not the biggest fan of corporate meetings. My former colleague Debbie Thornsberry said I always had The Meeting Face during meetings, which shows that even with great effort we sometimes cannot hide our true feelings. I understand the necessity of getting together with co-workers, but I quickly found out there's a good reason employees have dubbed it The Goodyear Tire and Meeting Company.

(5) Constantly make sure I have my ID badge, my phone, and my lunch
I have been known to forget one or more of these things on a given work day, and it always creates a big hassle when I do. So I look around, feel my pockets, and just generally do everything to make sure I have these essential items with me. It causes way more stress than it should.

You will not deter me from my love of CVS

I do not shop.

Or at least, I shop very little.

Terry handles the shopping in our house, from grocery shopping to Christmas shopping, and she does it well. I figure, why mess with a good thing?

There are really only two stores in which you will find me with any regularity.

One is Marc's, a local chain of grocery stores that is quick and convenient when we need, like, bananas or whatever.

The other is CVS.

CVS, for my non-American friends, is a national drugstore/pharmacy chain (the Brits may call it a "chemist") that I have frequented for many years.

And when I say "frequent," I mean it.

I go to CVS twice a week, sometimes more often. There are many things I buy there, from the nasal mist to which I'm addicted to the gum I chew in the car to the 95% cocoa content chocolate bars I sometimes pick up as treats for myself (since no one else in the house wants anything to do with them).

I am not only a CVS ExtraCare member, which is like their frequent shopper program, I am also a CVS Advisory Panel member. This means I occasionally am asked to fill out extensive marketing research surveys for the company, in return for which they give me ExtraBucks, which are basically like cash I can use in the store.

I am also a member of their CarePass program, which contains a mid-word capital letter like all good CVS initiatives AND gives me $10 in ExtraBucks to spend as I choose every month.

Much like Apple, they have me hook, line, and sinker.

It has been explained to me that my loyalty to the good folks at CVS may be a tad misplaced, in that their prices are high and their merchandise is perhaps middle-of-the-road. Or some such nonsense.

Please understand something: MY DEVOTION TO CVS WILL NOT BE DERAILED BY YOUR FACTS. Much like many people's choice of political candidate, I base my choice of drugstore not on objective truths, but rather on the world as I wish it existed.

We recently undertook an exercise at work in which we had to identify our favorite "relationship brand" and describe what that brand does to connect with customers and why we like it.

I of course chose CVS. I described all of the wonderful things they do for me.

After my little presentation, I was summarily mocked by my colleagues. Something about being "90 years old."

They can laugh all they want. I'm going to CVS today with $12 in ExtraBucks in my account and a 35-stick pack of Wrigley's Peppermint Cobalt 5 Gum with my name on it.

Do not bother acting as if you're not jealous.

Three things I actually miss about driving to work every day

For nearly 11 months now, I like many white-collar Americans have been working from home.

There is much to be recommended about this approach to work. The free and easily accessible snacks for one, and the massive savings on gas and car maintenance for another.

But I've come to realize there really are some things I miss about that drive to the office I used to take all the time, and that I presumably at some point in 2021 will begin taking regularly again. Here are three of them:

(1) THE GUM: I keep a stash of intensely flavored (and intensely scented) peppermint gum in my car, and my habit was always to pop a stick into my mouth at the start of my morning and evening commutes. It's not like I can't chew it when I'm at home, but I just don't think to do it and, for whatever reason, it's not the same. My wife, it should be noted, is not at all a fan of this gum or the way it smells, so I have to be careful not to chew it around her. She refers to my car as "The Mint Mobile" because of it.

(2) THE MUSIC: Over the last decade, I have become an avid fan of classical music. In that time I have built a considerable library of CDs covering most of the basic classical repertoire. I usually listen to those CDs in the car. Less commute time = less Beethoven time. This is unfortunate. I've tried to make up for it, but again, the car is my concert hall.

(3) THE 40 MINUTES OF QUIET TIME: Not that my life is the same sort of loud, chaotic daily existence it used to be when the kids were little, but there's something to be said for being by yourself, listening to what you want, and just generally enjoying the experience of driving to and from work every day. I do kind of miss that. It will return eventually, but for now, I miss it.

I can no longer chew gum because I'll bleed to death

Over the past year or so, I've taken to buying a pack of gum every time I visit CVS, which incidentally has become my favorite store in the world.

I love CVS. They have all of the stuff I need to lead a semi-healthy lifestyle: Vitamins, supplements, dark chocolate, nuts, etc. And they also carry creamer for my coffee. And, as I said, gum.

I was never a regular gum-chewer until recently. But I think it's a habit I'm going to have to give up because almost every time I chew a piece of gum, I inadvertently bite my lower lip on the right side. Seriously, my right upper canine tooth (which has apparently grown in size and sharpness as I've aged) will inevitably catch that hunk of lip tissue and bite right into it at least once, which immediately turns my mint-flavored gum into a yummy mixture of mint and blood.

This is disheartening, not only because I like chewing gum but also because I like having a lower lip, too.

Am I the only one to whom this happens?