Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Four reasons you should have kids

You will learn a love you didn't even know existed

It's different from the way you love your spouse. Not better, not more intense, just different. Your care and concern for these little humans will be, at times, all-consuming. You think you understand this love before you become a parent, but you don't. It starts the minute that child is born and continues on forever. That's a good thing, because there will also be times when you want to kill the little brat (which, it turns out, is illegal in most states).

Two words: Tax deduction

I hate to be so blunt about it, but man, having five kids definitely has its tax advantages. Our tax code is written in a way that encourages you to procreate. So go ahead and Dugger it up! That tax refund check will be huge! Of course, you'll blow the whole thing on diapers and sippy cups, but the folks at Costco will love to see you coming.

Men only: Free food in the maternity ward refrigerator

I believe it's the policy in most hospitals (at least it was in the two hospitals where my kids were born) to provide a refrigerator stocked with food and drink for expectant fathers to consume while their wives are in labor. All of this stuff is absolutely free. I'm all about free stuff, especially edible free stuff. But you must remember to down it all before you get back to your wife's room. She can't eat while in labor, and she will despise you if she sees food. And pregnant women have superhuman strength. You don't want to mess with them.

You can perform incredible feats of sleep deprivation!

This doesn't necessarily apply to all parents. Some people have babies who sleep through the night right from the get-go. Our first few babies were like this, and I often wondered, "What exactly is it that people always complain about when it comes to babies? They sleep at night just like us. Piece of cake!" Then Melanie came along and she took a good 18 months to sleep through the wee hours consistently. And Jack had his share of problems mastering this skill, as well. It's not fun. find yourself accomplishing stuff on 45 minutes of sleep you never thought possible. There's a certain sense of grim pride in this. Trust me, you'll learn to embrace it.

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