Saturday, July 31, 2021

I (still) don't like the 31st of almost any month

(NOTE: This post originally ran on July 31, 2015. I still feel this way, so I bring it back six years later)

This is going to sound strange (because it is), but I don't like the fact that today is July 31st.

Nor do I like January 31st, March 31st, May 31st or August 31st. (October 31st is exempt from my contempt because it's Halloween, and December 31st gets a pass because it's New Year's Eve.)

All of those 31s are superfluous, as far as I'm concerned, because they unnecessarily extend months that don't need extending.

Like January, for instance. I live in Cleveland. We don't need an extra day in January, a month filled with wind, snow, ice and general gloominess. January can end after 30 days.

And March? Same thing. The weather is getting better, but it's still cold and March tends to tease us with thoughts of spring, only to turn around and blast us with an unexpected blizzard. So it doesn't need to go the full 31, either.

May? I'm so anxious for June that May 31st is little more than annoying. Get rid of it.

As for August 31st, school has already started back up and yet we're still enjoying hot, summer-like temperatures. That mixture always throws me off. I'm already sufficiently confused in my life, so one less day of potential perplexity is gratefully received. August 31st has to go.

I realize we can't just arbitrarily lop days off the calendar, so I propose adding four make-up days to compensate:

June 31st: I love June. It needs to last a day longer.

September 31st: Northeast Ohio is awesome in late September, what with the leaves turning, high school football, and those increasingly cool mornings. Let's add to that (which I realize makes no sense at all, but please, work with me here).

October 32nd: I need a little buffer between Halloween and the start of November. Thus this.

December 32nd: Why not? Most people take vacation days between Christmas and New Year's anyway, so we'll just make this a mandatory day off and, voila, everyone wins.

You're welcome.

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