Tuesday, August 24, 2021

I can't remember the last time I took a bath

Right up front, let's clarify that headline. It's not that I can't remember the last time I bathed. It's that I can't remember the last time I took a bath.

I am not only a shower guy, I'm a hardcore, twice-a-day shower guy. I shower 700+ times a year, which dermatologists and others will probably tell you is not the best habit in the world, but it's a well-established routine from which I'll likely never deviate.

When we redid our master bathroom this past spring, it included the installation of a bathtub, much to Terry's delight. She enjoys (and deserves) the occasional bath, so it was mainly for her.

I could take a bath in it, I suppose, but I don't know. I would honestly feel a little silly...like a 7-year-old in a 51-year-old man's body.

For one thing, as much as I like to be clean, I like to be clean in a hurry. I'm in and out of the shower in 3 minutes or so. Baths involve running the water, maybe adding some sort of soap or bath oil or whatever, and only then cleaning yourself.

They also involve sitting in the midst of anything you've just washed off yourself, but we won't get into that.

Ultimately, I think it comes down to this: As much as I welcome many challenges to traditional gender roles, the fact is that a bath just isn't that, well, manly. No offense to you guys who regularly engage in the bath lifestyle, but it just isn't.

So I'm going to leave the baths to my wife, who is probably better equipped to enjoy bubbles and bath bombs and that sort of thing than I am.

To make up for it, maybe I'll treat myself to a 4-minute shower sometime this week. Oh, the indulgence!

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