Guys, here are three reasons you should just listen to what your wife says

It's time for our monthly Blog Rerun. This post was originally published 10 years ago on May 22, 2015. I still find it to be true.

I've been married for nearly 23 years (EDITOR'S NOTE: That was in 2015. It's now nearly 33 years.) Not as long as many people I know, but longer than some. I'm occasionally asked how Terry and I make it work, and when it's a guy/husband doing the asking, I always tell him one thing:

It's largely because I just do what Terry tells me to do.

Seriously. 98% of the time, if she says something, I pretty much follow her lead. And it works.

Here's why:

1. She's smart: I'm not saying your wife is necessarily smarter than you, though my experience suggests she probably is. Regardless, if your wife is like mine, she's pretty sharp and will very rarely steer you wrong.
   
   
2. She has thought this through: Chances are, whatever big decision you're considering or whatever task you're facing, your wife has given this far more thought than you have. This isn't universal, of course, and many guys I know are very thoughtful in their decision-making. But by and large, my wife spends more time thinking about important issues than I do, from how we raise our children to whether or not we should move to Florida. So in most cases, her argument is more well-reasoned then mine, seeing as how I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about hockey and apples. In cases where hockey and/or apples are important elements of the issue at hand, she allows me to make the final call. In all other instances, I defer to her.
   
   
3. There's less effort involved on your part: Maybe this just applies to me, but I'm generally looking for the path of least resistance. And given items #1 and #2 above, I think you'll agree that your wife's judgment is likely to be sound. Therefore, you don't need to go down the path upon which she has already trodden. Go along with whatever she says and you have that much more time and energy to dwell upon your own personal version of hockey and apples, whatever it might be.

I've been informed that I need to stop biting so deeply into my apples that I strew seeds around the house

I love apples. Gala apples. I've mentioned this fact before.

I love them so much that I often eat right into (and sometimes through) the core.

This is potentially hazardous for a number of reasons, not least of which is that it exposes the seeds and allows them to fall out of the apple and onto our floor.

You can tell I've recently been in any given part of the house simply by counting the number of apple seeds on the floor.

I don't leave them there intentionally, but sometimes (many times) they escape my notice.

They do not, however, escape Terry's notice.

She has told me that (a) I can leave a little apple on the core and throw it away when I'm finished, rather than biting into the very middle, and (b) In any case, I need to stop leaving seeds all over the place.

The latter instruction is perfectly reasonable. I'm trying my best to comply.

But leaving even a few molecules of sweet, tasty, Gala apple goodness on the core and tossing it away? That's blasphemy. I will do no such thing.

Marriage is about compromise. But I will not compromise my adoration for the greatest fruit God put on earth for our collective enjoyment.

At some point you have to draw the line.

I didn't pose naked for the cover like Britney, and nine other reasons you should buy my book this holiday season

1. You will laugh, either at the content or at the fact I think I'm so funny.
   
   
2. You will cry, either over the content or over the fact I think I'm so funny.
   
   
3. I will agree not to sign the book for you, thus preserving its value.
   
   
4. It has a beautiful cover with which I had almost nothing to do. The best parts of the book admittedly do not involve me.
   
   
5. I make $3.42 per paperback copy sold, which I pledge to use to buy myself apples. This doesn't really benefit you, but as noted here many times before, I like apples.
   
   
6. You can either buy Stephen King's new book or you can buy mine. I was a contestant on two game shows. Stephen's game show count? To my knowledge it's zero. Advantage: me.
   
   
7. It would make my wife Terry happy. Imagine how good you'll feel making her happy.
   
   
8. My book explains in earnest detail why Chuck E. Cheese plays a vital role in preventing a worldwide revolt among young children. You're not going to get that kind of insight from, say, Britney Spears' memoir.
   
   
9. Speaking of Britney, unlike her, I did not pose nearly naked for the cover of my book, which I consider a great favor to you. The least you can do in return is to buy the book.
   
   
10. In buying my book, you're propping up the economy. I don't want to imply that worldwide financial collapse would be your fault if you choose not to buy my book, but I'm also not saying that's not the case. Just to be on the safe side, you should probably just buy the book.

Click here to purchase the book on Amazon, either in paperback or Kindle/eBook format.

(Since this list likely did more to talk you out of buying the book than anything else, thank you for even considering it!)

I really should learn the ins and outs of our household finances

Throughout the 31 years of our marriage, Terry and I have had very clear-cut roles when it comes to money.

For all 31 years, my job has been to make it.

For the first five of those years, her job was to make it AND to figure out how to spend it wisely.

Since 1997, when she quit her job at Lincoln Electric to stay home full time with our growing family, she has served as Chief Financial Officer while I have continued to manage Accounts Receivable.

This system has worked well as my income has grown steadily over three decades and her skill at managing it has risen proportionately.

I have only the vaguest idea of our family budget, when and how she pays the bills, and what her overall approach to finances really is.

I'm in charge of long-term planning (i.e., building a retirement next egg), but the rest falls on her.

Which is great, except what if something happens to her? In addition to being one of the worst things imaginable, it would also leave me as a grieving husband poring through statements and spreadsheets to get a handle on how things work money-wise at 30025 Miller Avenue.

The problem, when one member of a couple is especially good at something, is that the other person often leaves the job entirely to them and is thus completely in the dark when tragedy strikes.

In past generations, it was usually the husband who handled the money and the wife who was kept out of it.

I'm not being "kept out of it" by any means, but the roles are clearly reversed in our relationship. I'm sure Terry would love to sit down with me and go over everything, but...well, you know, I have blog posts to write and games to announce and apples to eat.

Finding time to learn something as important as how my wife keeps the lights on and the cars from being repossessed somehow takes a back seat to the JV football game I have to announce.

Maybe I should rethink my priorities.

My fruit addiction is out of control

Soon after I started at Goodyear, I had an onboarding meeting with Laura, our Chief Communications Officer. She gave me great insight into the company, and we talked about our personal and professional backgrounds.

There was, in short, a lot of information exchanged.

But what Laura mainly took away from our conversation was that I eat a lot of apples. At least that's what she mentioned to my boss, Doug.

And I don't blame her. I eat four or five apples a day, and that's virtually every day of my life.

If that were the extent of my fruit consumption, it would be one thing. But it isn't. I also eat a minimum of three bananas every day, along with one or two servings each of whatever other fruit we have in the house...grapes, pears, berries, whatever.

All told, I have a minimum of nine and often as many as 11 pieces/servings of fruit every day. Not occasionally, but every day.

A lot of people who hear that immediately warn me about the ill effects of excessive fruit sugar. Yet my blood glucose levels and A1c are always comfortably within the normal range whenever I have blood work done.

This has been on my mind lately because I recently had a physical with a new health care provider and am enjoying the benefits of a roughly 25-pound weight loss.

I often mention here that I'm a Weight Watchers Lifetime member. The WW system, which is based on a daily allotment of points, has most fruits and vegetables at the zero-point level. That doesn't mean they're "free," in that you're supposed to keep your intake of them at a reasonable level.

My intake is pretty clearly somewhere beyond "reasonable." Yet it's exactly what has allowed me to maintain my weight where I want it to be. I never feel especially hungry because of all the fruit I push down my gullet.

I realize it's too much fruit by almost anyone's standards, but it works for me.

The only drawbacks are the expense and logistical hassles of constantly having to buy fresh fruit. Terry handles much of that work, God bless her, but I find myself making special banana and apple runs to the grocery store all the time.

It's a small price to pay.

Getting back into the habit of packing your lunch

Technically, those of us working at Goodyear are supposed to be in the office two days a week, though most of the leaders I've spoken with are coming in more often.

The vast majority of my work days thus far have been onsite, mostly because I much prefer to conduct onboarding meetings and other coworker interactions in person. Plus, it's just easier to learn the layout of the complex if I'm, you know, actually at the complex.

This is all well and good, except it also means I have to worry about packing lunch and snacks the previous evening. It's not like this is a huge burden, but what with COVID and everything, it's something I've fallen out of the habit of doing over the past 16 months.

I probably take more time getting my workday food together than most people. For one thing, I always take about 10 separate items, since I like to graze throughout the day rather than have a big lunch.

For another, I have to log my food choices into the Weight Watchers app. I'm pretty quick with the app, having used it for a number of years now, but it still takes a few minutes to enter it all.

By the time I get everything packed away into my new lunch box and stored in the fridge in the garage, it has become an actual chore.

Of course, the word "chore" implies I don't like doing it. But it's difficult to complain about a task that's dependent upon having an obscene amount of food in my house from which to choose. This is a "problem" millions of people worldwide would love to have.

So I hope you'll excuse my whining.

Seriously, though, do I take two apples or three? Three. I'd better go with three.

I still love apples...lots and lots of apples

As we get older, our food preferences sometimes change.

In my case, the years have softened my dislike of the only two foods I used to say I wouldn't eat: sauerkraut and cantaloupe. Now I love sauerkraut (don't ask me what happened there), and I will happily eat cantaloupe, particularly if it's included in a fruit salad.

One thing that has not changed over time, however, is my passion for apples.

One does not usually connect the words "passion" and "apples," but there's really no other way to describe it. I love apples, and specifically, I love Gala apples.

I love Gala apples so much that I eat 3-4 of them every day. Every. Day. That is absolutely no exaggeration.

Nowadays, it's more often four per day than three. We go through bags and bags of them.

Interestingly, though, I'm not a fan of large apples. I like small to medium-sized Galas, to the point that I suppose 3-4 of them is equal to maybe 2-3 of the larger variety.

Either way, I still eat a lot of apples.

That's the only point I wanted to make here. Well, that plus the fact that I continuously bless the unnamed person who decided to make fruits and vegetables 0 points within the WW/Weight Watchers system. This saint of a man/woman makes me feel infinitely less guilty about my apple obsession.

Bananas are probably the biggest source of stress in my life

I eat a lot of fruit. We have covered this subject before.

In particular, not a day goes by when I don't eat multiple apples and bananas.

The apples are relatively easy to keep on hand. They last a long time, and you can buy large quantities of them.

Bananas, on the other hand, are a tricky business.

Bananas can go from green and inedible to brown and mushy in, like, hours. You have to constantly monitor them.

When you're at the grocery store and want to buy bananas, there are three important questions you must ask yourself:

(1) How many bananas do we have at home right now?

(2) How many bananas can we have and still be relatively sure they'll all get eaten before they go bad?

(3) What is the overall ripeness of this store's bananas, and in what stages of development should the bananas I buy be?

That last one is the toughest to navigate. If you're fortunate enough to live near a store that stocks bananas in a range of different ripenesses (as opposed to all very yellow and ready to eat or all green and days away from consumption), you have to work out a plan.

Ideally, you'll come home with, say, one very green bunch, one semi-green bunch, and one virtually-ready-to-eat bunch.

At least that's what I do. We are down to just five people living in our house these days, but they eat a lot of bananas. Much of my daily mental energy is spent reviewing the state of our banana cache, plotting from where and when I'll buy new bananas, and trying to decide whether the current bananas are OK to eat.

It's all enough to drive you...well, I'll let you say it.

If you had to eat one food every day for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I'm not saying you could eat only this food, but you have to have at least one serving of whatever it is every single day until you die.

What's interesting about this question is that for some people, the answer varies depending on when you ask them. They may be in the middle of a strawberry phase or a quinoa kick, and so they'll say whatever food they're most "into" at the moment. Ask them a week later and it's likely to be something completely different.

There's also the undeniable reality that for most of us, no matter how much you love a certain food, you're going to get tired of it if you eat it every day (and I include chocolate on that list, ladies). This isn't just me, right? Too much of a good thing is no longer a good thing, in my experience.

Regardless, recognizing all of that, if I have to provide a single answer to the question, I'm going with apples. Which I realize is kind of a boring response. But then again, if one food is going to be on the menu for the absolute rest of my time on earth, then it needs to be something solid and dependable rather than flashy and quick-to-turn-repulsive, doesn't it?

And if I have to be specific about what kind of apple, as documented on this blog previously, I'm going with the tried-and-true Gala apple. Galas are sweet, crunchy and among the most reliable members of the apple family. 95% of the time, any Gala you pick up at the grocery store or the farmer's market is going to deliver in terms of taste and texture.

In fact, in the case of Gala apples, I'm really already living out this proposition. In the last 365 days – and this is no exaggeration – I would say there have been at most 10 days in which I didn't consume at least one Gala apple. I'm not kidding. I even took a bunch with me when I traveled to Germany and the UK back in February.

So Gala apples it is for me. How about you? As always, comments on Facebook or below this post are welcome and appreciated.

The top 5 fruits of all time (Blog Rerun)

(NOTE: So this post originally ran on August 14, 2013, and it's one my friend Kevin asked that I resurrect, presumably because he's a fellow fruit fan. I've been friends with Kevin since I was 4 years old. He served as my phone-a-friend on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire," which I guess means he at least deserves a shot at selecting which blog posts get rerun. So here ya go, Kev...)

I love fruit. I mean, seriously, I love fruit.

Fruit, it turns out, is relatively expensive. And we can't keep it in the house because I eat it all. Fast. Which means we spend a lot of money on fruit.

Since the beginning of last December, I've followed the Weight Watchers PointsPlus plan. The best thing about this plan, by far, is that fruit is free. Meaning that it does not count against your daily points allowance.

Within reason, you can eat all the fruit you want in a given day. And vegetables, too. But we need to focus on the real treat here, which is the fruit.

Also, it should be noted that "within reason" is a phrase subject to a wide range of interpretation. I choose to interpret it as, "Try to keep it under 17 apples in a 24-hour period."

I like all kinds of fruit, but here in reverse order are my top five. Maybe you agree. Maybe you don't. Doesn't matter. The important thing is, fruit is free (in the WeightWatchers sense, sadly not the financial sense).

5. Bananas

I'm a fan. Bananas go a little too quickly, though. It takes me about 25 seconds to eat one. I could slow down, I suppose, but I wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much. Given the chance, I would eat an entire bunch of bananas in one sitting. I would get sick, but it would be worth it.

4. Nectarines

And I do specifically mean nectarines, not peaches. I like peaches, mind you, but they don't crack my top 5. The texture of nectarines (and the lack of prickly little hairs) gives them the nod over what I presume to be their biological cousins. Plus they're not quite as juicy as peaches, which I consider to be a good thing. I can eat them at my desk at work without making a mess. Go nectarines!

3. Pears

We're talking strictly Bartlett pears here, people. Not those D'Anjou knockoffs. Bartlett pears, just like mom used to make. Well, actually, just like mom used to serve out of a can at lunch. Bartlett pears are awesome. They're like the BMW of the pear family. That's a really lame analogy, I know, but I can't help it because I'm too busy thinking about Bartlett pears. Mmmmmmm, pears.

2. Grapes

Again, a distinction must be made here: Green grapes. I have nothing against purple/red grapes. It's just that green grapes are the, uh, Bartlett pears of the grape world. I will not argue this point. It just is, in the same way that the sun, moon and stars just are.

1. Apples

I don't discriminate against various apple types, but I will let it be known that Gala is my apple variety of choice. We would also have accepted Fuji, Golden Delicious, and Granny Smith (if only because I like the fact that any food is called "Granny Smith"). I eat three apples a day on average, and that's only if I'm making a conscious effort to cut down on my apple consumption. It makes me sad that apples are often sold for $1.99 a pound, because Terry won't buy them at that price point. I love apples. I really, really love apples.

Oh, pay day, how I love you so

I just found an online calculator that, when you input your annual income, can tell you where you rank globally in terms of wealth.

If you've ever wanted to feel really, really rich, you should try this calculator (GlobalRichList.com).

Actually, tools like that are mixed blessings. Sure, they make you feel like Bill Gates (which most of us are, compared with a stunning proportion of the rest of the world's population). But they also make you feel a bit guilty. Or at least that's what they do to me.

Being born in the United States means there's an excellent chance you rank among the richest 1% of people in the world (I'm thinking they include children in their formula, but still...) And I don't doubt you've worked very hard to get there.

But Americans strutting around because they're among the richest people in the world is a lot like the guy who claims to have hit a home run after he was born on third base.

Now I'm not trying to start class warfare here. Nor am I a bleeding heart liberal who thinks all wealth is bad. I'm just stating the undeniable fact that, no matter what problems you may have, you're still a lot better off than most people on the planet, and it's largely because of the circumstances into which you were born.

Nothing wrong with that. It just is.

Anyway, I bring this up because today is pay day at my place of employment. We get paid every two weeks, which is a schedule I like.

So does my wife. Getting paid every other Friday means that, two or three times a year, there will be a month in which I get an extra check. And she uses those extra checks to get ahead on bills, pay for emergency repairs, buy me Gala apples, etc.

When I worked at the Cleveland Clinic, we used to get paid once a month...on the 15th, if I remember correctly. Talk about having to manage your money.

On one hand, sure, it's nice to get a huge lump of cash deposited into your checking account all at once. But by the time you got to, say, the 7th or 8th of the following month, unless you were really disciplined, you were running a little short of funds.

But it's not the money I love so much on pay days as what the money buys. Specifically, pay day often means it's Terry Goes Grocery Shopping Day in our house. And that woman can shop. Well.

By the time I come home from work on pay day, she has usually returned from an epic shopping trip that has taken her to three or four different stores, where she has purchased all of the food, toiletries and other staples needed to support a family of seven.

She goes to three or four different stores because she has a system down, you see. She knows where to find the best prices and the best products. She knows how to use coupons to maximum effect. And she knows how to stretch that food budget of ours to its outer limits.

Anyway, by the time I walk in the door every other Friday, the kitchen is filled to overflowing with fruits, vegetables, meats, snacks, and new Keurig coffee cups. I love the fruit, as I've mentioned, but those Keurig coffee cups make me tingly.

I get so excited to see all the newly purchased food that I don't mind the fact that three-quarters of it will be gone by the end of the weekend, thanks largely to the voracious appetite of my 15-year-old son, Jared.

Jared regularly consumes seven meals in a day. I'm not kidding. It's sometimes even more. And he's as thin as a pencil.

I resent him for this, but it never lasts long. I get so distracted by the new crop of juicy apples and the K-Cups that there's no room in my brain for resentment.

Yes, pay day, I love you. You make everything OK.

The top 5 fruits of all time

(NOTE: Of course this is about actual, edible fruit. What did you think I was talking about?)

I love fruit. I mean, seriously, I love fruit.

Fruit, it turns out, is relatively expensive. And we can't keep it in the house because I eat it all. Fast. Which means we spend a lot of money on fruit.

Since the beginning of last December, I've followed the Weight Watchers PointsPlus plan. The best thing about this plan, by far, is that fruit is free. Meaning that it does not count against your daily points allowance.

Within reason, you can eat all the fruit you want in a given day. And vegetables, too. But we need to focus on the real treat here, which is the fruit.

Also, it should be noted that "within reason" is a phrase subject to a wide range of interpretation. I choose to interpret it as, "Try to keep it under 17 apples in a 24-hour period."

I like all kinds of fruit, but here in reverse order are my top five. Maybe you agree. Maybe you don't. Doesn't matter. The important thing is, fruit is free (in the WeightWatchers sense, sadly not the financial sense).

5. Bananas

I'm a fan. Bananas go a little too quickly, though. It takes me about 25 seconds to eat one. I could slow down, I suppose, but I wouldn't enjoy it nearly as much. Given the chance, I would eat an entire bunch of bananas in one sitting. I would get sick, but it would be worth it.

4. Nectarines

And I do specifically mean nectarines, not peaches. I like peaches, mind you, but they don't crack my top 5. The texture of nectarines (and the lack of prickly little hairs) gives them the nod over what I presume to be their biological cousins. Plus they're not quite as juicy as peaches, which I consider to be a good thing. I can eat them at my desk at work without making a mess. Go nectarines!

3. Pears

We're talking strictly Bartlett pears here, people. Not those D'Anjou knockoffs. Bartlett pears, just like mom used to make. Well, actually, just like mom used to serve out of a can at lunch. Bartlett pears are awesome. They're like the BMW of the pear family. That's a really lame analogy, I know, but I can't help it because I'm too busy thinking about Bartlett pears. Mmmmmmm, pears.

2. Grapes

Again, a distinction must be made here: Green grapes. I have nothing against purple/red grapes. It's just that green grapes are the, uh, Bartlett pears of the grape world. I will not argue this point. It just is, in the same way that the sun, moon and stars just are.

1. Apples

I don't discriminate against various apple types, but I will let it be known that Gala is my apple variety of choice. We would also have accepted Fuji, Golden Delicious, and Granny Smith (if only because I like the fact that any food is called "Granny Smith"). I eat three apples a day on average, and that's only if I'm making a conscious effort to cut down on my apple consumption. It makes me sad that apples are often sold for $1.99 a pound, because Terry won't buy them at that price point. I love apples. I really, really love apples.

What it will be like when my kids move out someday...

Reasons I Want My Kids to Grow Up and Move Out

1. I'll no longer have to chauffeur them every time they have a practice or school activity, or want to go to a friend's to hang out.
2. My house will be 57 times cleaner.
3. If someone eats the last apple (the one I wanted), I'll have no problem identifying the suspect (my wife).
4. I can devote an entire room, or even two, to whatever I want. Like having an office. I've always wanted an office.
5. You will never again hear any complaints about dinner, seeing as how everything Terry cooks is awesome and a full 100% of dinner-related objections in the house emanate from our offspring.
6. I'll be far less inclined to wear pants on a regular basis.
7. The designated electorate charged with selecting what movie we're going to watch will consist entirely of Terry and me...and not five other people with far different cinematic tastes.
8. I'll no longer feel obligated to coach or volunteer for sports and school-related activities. I will, with a clear conscience, say, "Sorry, but I can't."
9. If a toilet in the house gets clogged, I know it will be fixed right away. Because Terry and I always grab the plunger and remedy the situation immediately. Others in the house who shall remain nameless do not.
10. When it's time to go to bed, we'll go to bed. And it will be quiet. No one in the living room watching TV or playing video games. No one stomping around upstairs. No one making ungodly amounts of noise in the kitchen at 1 a.m.

Reason I Do NOT Want My Kids to Grow Up and Move Out

1. I will, without a doubt, miss every single car trip, sock left on the floor, last apple eaten, room filled to capacity, dinner complaint, forced-pants-wearing situation, movie night, youth coaching opportunity, clogged toilet, and loud middle-of-the-night snack run. I will miss each of these things, and especially the munchkins who perpetrate them, desperately. Which is why I'm trying my darnedest to appreciate it all while I still can. On balance, I think they can stick around for a little while...